• 14 Posts
  • 217 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: August 1st, 2022

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  • imgprojts@lemmy.mltoNot the Onion@lemmy.mlWhat the actual fuck
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    1 year ago

    What do ruzzians do when they know they need to loose a few pounds? They go to war of course! Did you know that a bullet hole can make you loose anywhere between one and fifty pounds? And that’s not including the actual brass or lead. Larger motion tends to remove pounds fast! Way fast. Many of the same ruzzians will start with just one and then gather a bunch of weight loss really quickly. Others like to get the one shot and gradually, over a period of several months loose a lot of weight. Like a lot. Some are not even flesh and bones, some are just bones.



  • Biden is president. Things went my way. But let’s imagine that this was how you got lunch.

    Hmm, Josh! I want a hamburger!.. okay buddy I promise I’ll bring you a hamburger. I’m just going to be your food delegate in the food acquisition team.

    Josh! I want a salad! … and I want a spoon full of extra virgin olive oil!. Josh I want an apple! Hey Josh can I get some Doritos crushed in a bowl and mixed with jalapeno and chicken nuggets!

    Then Josh goes to the big food acquisition meeting… My team wants a spoon full of extra virgin olive oil!

    Then you wait half an hour and you get a turkey sandwich but you’re vegan so you eat the three onion rings.

    70 percent of the office was vegan too, but only 5 of the food delegates were vegan. The other 20 were old timers that have been ordering the food for the past seven years. They like turkey sandwiches. So you get turkey sandwich.

    I hope you enjoy your turkey sandwich 🥪. 😂 LOL. At least it wasn’t a lump of lard with a tupee.







  • Hey! This is Bob, your friendly NC AI assistant. I noticed all your dick pics had very small dicks so I’ve increased the length to a more respectable 8.5" and requested assistance from your 7 female contacts about girth size. User "your mother " preferred the 1.5 size but was ok with 400% increase “if that’s what you’re into”. You agreed to show your privates in private with user “Neighbor” tonight at 7:30. He suggested silicone lube. All images are uploaded and available for your review on your Facebook timeline. Let me know if I should increase the size or if the color is off. User “Coworker” complained about the color and will be discussing it with your manager and you tomorrow first thing.

    How may I be of assistance today?