(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)
I’m going to take the free gravel and 7 inch teleportation. The gravel is a valuable commodity which can be sold. 7 inches is enough to get through any doorway.
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The scifi book Battlefield Earth uses teleportion as a means of propulsion. The teleportation gives fighter planes a defensive and offensive advantage.
By far the least crazy idea L. Ron Hubbard ever had
but when i see a pill it kinda seems like a one use kinda thing
Feel like these are definitely permanent status effects
I thought this was like the Matrix, it gives you that ability.
Maybe you gotta take a pill every time you want to teleport
Does the teleportation create an exact copy of you and destroy who you are, or does it just move you exactly and rebuild your brain perfectly so you’re exactly the you you were before the teleport?
Personally it would work the same as when you move through space by conventional means.
I would imagine it would be like Arm pumping.
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I want to imagine the real world would freak the fuck out the way some objects in a game engine do when you mash them together.
Instant nuclear fusion explosion
Nah there’s enough space between atoms, they’ll just converge into perfect matrix of flesh and door
So it’s a pretty good super power then
Yes, but only once
Just teleport 7 inches away, duh
That should be a safe distance
I’m hearing GMod/Source clunking sounds.
Ok wiseguy:
- hold 8 inch icicle up to someone’s head
- teleport 7 inches forward
- “we can’t figure out what killed em!”
I was going to squinch up real tight every time and only teleport through glass doors
That’s how you lose your butt
What happens though? It just gets cut off?
Leaves a nut shaped hole in the door and that part of the door appears where your butt was
This was my thought.
If you can make sure it’s just your nose that gets stuck, then pair it up with pill #4, you’ll be good. Hope that helps lol
Can’t you just teleport again? They didn’t mention any cool down
7 inches is enough to get you mostly through a doorway.
Doors are about 1.5 inches thick. The average chest depth of an American male is 11.5 inches.
Teleporting yourself 7 inches forward would put a door 7 inches from your front and 3 inches from your back. You would have to only be 5.5 inches deep in order to make it entirely through the doorway without merging with the door.
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Too bad your clothes stay on the other side. I guess you can try to teleport out of county lockup too
Cops dont even show up to actual crimes. Aint no one grabbing the naked dude blipping in and out of reality as they pass through walls.
If your clothes stay behind, then what else does?
Dirt, dust, dead skin? Oils? Gut bacteria? Dental fillings? Food you just ate? Oxygen in your lungs? Oxygen in your blood? Implants for sure, right? What about hair, or nails?
I can imagine a scenario where someone tries this ability for the first time only to wind up naked, perfectly clean-shaven, bleeding profusely from every orifice and extremity, breathless and doubled over in pain, convulsing on a pile of shit, hair and other gross, getting their back sliced open by disembodied toenails.
And do you swap places with matter at your destination or just fit your pieces around and into whatever is already there?
If you don’t swap, you could end up with air in your blood stream and bacteria and fungal spores everywhere. And a chance of nuclear fusion depending on how close atoms end up to each other. And if it can fuck with things at a nuclear level, it will also fuck with them at a chemical and structural level.
Or if you do swap, it becomes a powerful weapon where you just pop into someone’s body, putting the parts of them you overlap with where you used to be, then you just pop back out in a different spot. Bank vault door is too thick? Just teleport multiple times and you’ll get through safely as long as you can remain pretty still while going through it. If you can constantly teleport a tiny distance, you might be impervious to all attacks because stuff would get swapped before it impacts you, but that “might” is doing a lot of lifting. Though you probably also wouldn’t be able to hear sound, so you would be vulnerable when having conversations or listening to music.
Free gravel is a clear winner… If there’s no limits, you could straight up build artificial islands, you could destroy cities… It’s a legit super power. Hell, unless there’s extreme limits that make it worthless, you could do a lot.
Teleporting is tempting, and if you could use it fast enough you could fly or at least walk at insane speeds… Depending on the limits, I’d take that over gravel
But any toaster? That’s a brain computer interface right there. Even if it’s one way, and you have to do it manually and pay for power? With 30 toasters you could type anything. You could learn stenography to do it faster. Or, if you could manipulate toasters past their capabilities, you could generate infinite power or burn down entire cities
For the gravel, I assumed it meant that any place that sells gravel is forced to give it to you for free. Still really powerful, but you have to think about the logistics.
still OP. Now I control all gravel in the world.
Also if you can telelport but leave your poop behind think how easy pooping would be!
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Resell my free gravel for huge profits
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Have a great street magic trick where I ask the spectator to empty a single container out of many with my back turned, but I can always pick out which one
I’ll be Cris Angel, Gravel King
Redmond and blutarch are gonna be SEETHING when I collapse the gravel industry
-Grey Mann
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Why is everyone choosing whatever pill(s) they want to and describing what they’d do with it?
The instructions explicitly say you can only pick 2. Everyone gets gravel. Smh.
That’s all I want anyways though it would be cool to speak another language.
Oh.
2 and 3 easy.
Free gravel for life. So I have an endless supply of product I can sell for profit? Yes please.
And I see no time-limit on the teleportation. 7 inches at a time. Sure. But what stops me from instantly teleporting another 7 inches? And who says I can only do it horizontally. Pretty much giving me the ability to fly here. I’ll take it.
I agree with your choices but your logic for the teleportation doesn’t hold up. You’ve assumed your momentum wouldn’t be conserved through the teleportation in a weird way. Assuming momentum is conserved, you would still fall just as quickly. In fact, you would reach terminal velocity in short order, and would have to continually teleport to keep yourself from crashing into the ground. By itself that would be bad enough, but you moving through the air between teleports would cause the air to move as well, so assuming you could keep up and hold your elevation, your velocity relative to the ground would increase to some number higher than terminal velocity. Think Chell continually falling through portals. Now you’re stuck unless you can also teleport slightly to the side without falling. Best case you go to one of those indoor skydiving places and get in so you can slow down without dying. I was going to explore what would happen if your momentum somehow wasn’t conserved, but that would imply some absolute fixed frame of reference or magical mumbo jumbo, neither of which exist.
You could totally travel faster though, without even needing to walk. You would also be super dangerous in one on one combat sports. A well placed 7 inch teleportation can easily get the win in the right sports.
I disagree with your teleportation assessment. Just as I don’t think my momentum would be conserved, you think it is. You have no more reason to believe it would than I have to believe it wouldn’t. Because there’s no foundation for teleportation as it doesn’t exist.
I’m not sure what logic you want to use with something that is made up. But im gonna go ahead and assume my teleportation will work on my rules since no rules were ever specified.
You can feel free to use whatever made up rules you want for your own magical power.
Conservation of momentum is a law of nature, making it natural to assume it would still hold even with a hypothetical power. But you do you. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes.
But what if teleportation doesn’t move you from A to B, but just lets you disappear and reappear while you’re just standing there, so that there’s no momentum at all?
No momentum at all relative to what? Relativity tells us that there is no fixed frame of reference. In practice what that means is there is no universal zero velocity. You only have velocity relative to other things. The implicit assumption in your argument is that you would have no momentum relative to the earth, which in itself is problematic. After all, the earth spins at a rate of 360 degrees per day, so not moving relative to the earth would mean moving 463.83 m/s relative to the surface of the earth at the equator, which is supersonic. But maybe you mean relative to the surface of the earth. What if you go to the moon? Or mars? Or into orbit? Maybe you mean relative to the nearest big thing. If you could somehow teleport from the ground into a plane, would the plane count as the nearest big thing? What about a bus? That’s on the ground, so maybe the nearest big thing would be the ground, if the mass of the thing matters in how the nearest big thing is determined. You can see how this can quickly turn into a mess of rules and special cases.
Where does the energy go if you are already moving when you teleport? Do you somehow lose all mass for a brief second? Instant transportation from point A to point B means that there is no in-between state to change the variables of nature. Zero time passes between being here one second and there the next.
Most everything that has mass and is moving has momentum. If momentum were to somehow be cancelled, which it can’t be, your body would probably just stop completely. Even electrons have mass (9.1093837 × 10-31kg) and just stopping all electrical signals in your body at the same time seems like a bad thing. (I say “most everything”, because there are these strange things called photons. It doesn’t have mass, but has momentum. It’s also a particle (err… “energy packet”?) and a wave, which is even weirder.)
Sure, we are taking about a completely fictional situation when it comes to teleporting so this conversation is just really just a thought experiment.
If you were granted any wish, but you only received an extremely literal version of that wish, what are the consequences? That is humorous to think about, actually.
Where does the energy go if you are already moving when you teleport?
If you are in fact moving, there’d be momentum, like you say. But if you don’t? If you just sit there, and teleport from one comfy armchair into another, not changing anything about your position?
Well you see, there’s also the problem that if you teleported and it got rid of your momentum, unless something immediately speeds you back up to the speed of the earth, it will just woosh past you. Even if something like the air sped you up, while it’s speeding you up, the friction would likely tear you apart.
That goes back to my point about the humble electron.
There are a ton of things moving in your body all the time regardless if you are sitting still of not. The only thing that I can think of that would be drastically impacted by instant cancellation of momentum is electrical signals. I admit, that is absolutely pushing the boundaries of what I know about physics at that scale.
Stopping every electrical signal in your body simultaneously and assuming it will just resume spontaneously seems odd to me, is all.
conservation of momentum is only a true, when translational invariance holds. In addition, there may be a countless number of mechanisms by which teleportation changes a persons momentum. E.g. maybe the way this kind of teleportation works is Star Tek-like and your atoms get disassembled and reassembled, meaning they don’t need to have the same overall momentum, when whatever is doing the dissassembly stops atoms for dissassembly.
There are a ton of conditions that are left floating, for sure. Some people here are imagining this as “instant” teleportation. As in: here one second, there the next.
If zero time passes when a person is teleported, that causes some problems. I like thinking about that one, TBH. That starts to dive into the realm of breaking space itself, which is super cool to noodle on. (Wormholes FTW!)
My own questions would be more about how disassembly and reassembly would maintain original state. If an electron is moving when it is transported, where does that momentum go and how is it reapplied.
I love the thought experiment. However, what really makes me think is how air behaves.
Would the air from the destination get teleported back to fill the void that you left? Does the person just displace the air at the destination when they teleport?
What really gets me curious is what would happen during several quick teleports if the air is just displaced at the destination. Regardless, there would be an extreme vacuum at the starting location for a very short period of time. There was no specific time given about how long a person needs to wait between jumps, so you could leave a heck of a trail of destruction in your wake.
Some air would be displaced backwards after the teleport decreasing the volume of the void, but a void would still be there.
Would the forces be strong enough to suck the person backwards? Would the atmosphere simply collapse the void creating a bit of thunder and heat?
I can’t even fathom what happens to time. If you teleport instantly, that may imply that you are traveling faster than the speed of light. The universe implodes?
We can make some estimates for what would happen. The specific enthalpy (basically energy per kilogram) of air, modeled as a diatomic ideal gas, would be 7/2RsT, where Rs is the specific gas constant of air and T is the temperature. The specific gas constant of air is 287.05 J/(kg K), so at 293.15 Kelvin (20 C, ~70 F) the air would have 294kJ per kilogram. An average human displaces about 0.06522 cubic meters (65.22 Liters, 17.2 gallons), and air at standard conditions has a density of 1.20 kg/m^3, meaning you displace about 0.078 kg. This means an average person teleporting would create an energy difference of about 23kJ between the vacuum they leave behind and the surrounding air. That’s as much energy as a 1kg mass moving at 214 m/s (478 mph, 770 kph) or about Mach 0.62 at sea level, or a 1000 kg mass moving at 6.78 m/s (15 mph, 24.4 kph). So imagine getting crushed against a wall by Grandma driving a small sedan at a human running speed, except the wall doesn’t take any of it. That is also a bit more energy than a .50 BMG bullet, which apparently is used to shoot down helicopters.
If you teleport really close to your starting position, we can assume the total energy would be doubled. Also consider that this analysis is conservative. The faster the teleportation happens the more energy you’re going to release. This only accounted for the energy of the air itself, not the kinetic energy of all the air that would rush in to fill the vacuum, or the energy you add to the air when you pop back in, which could be significantly more if you pop back in really fast. So it could be quite a bit of energy. I always imagined that a superhero or villain that could teleport would need some kind of force field just to survive the process, and that they could develop their ability to teleport faster to use it as a weapon, or teleport slower for stealth and not destroying their destination. Looking back at Jumper the amount of damage they do when they teleport is pretty minor, considering the math. The energy released would only grow if you could take stuff with you.
Thanks for doing the leg work on that one! I honestly didn’t know where to start, but I knew there was a ton of energy involved.
You know when you see people teleport on TV and they just appear in a different place with no major world breaking repercussions? It works like that
Sure. But that is boring. The magic of TV does a poor job of taking fictional situations and showing how things work in real life. Real life can be much more dramatic and interesting. (Or much less dramatic and interesting, in some cases. Like car explosions.)
But Midi-chlorians…
I was going to say 2 and 3 for the exact reason. And just dumping large amounts of gravel in random places.
I think the teleport one is only a one timer. You take the pill, you teleport away for 7 inches.
Options 2 and 3.
Free gravel, assuming that means it just sort of appears where I want it, means I can simply create a massive stockpile of it in a very convenient location for construction projects and sell it by the yard for literally free money.
Teleporting 7 inches is enough to pass through most doors which are less than 2" thick. That is infinitely more useful than you think it is…
The teleport one if it has no cool down could be used to fly, just keep using it
If it stops velocity it would also be useful for dropping long distances without dying. A little like Mario doing a butt-stomp just before he hits the ground in Mario 64.
MLG teleport clutch.
Could just also use it to travel any speed too if it stops velocity
You could put on an astronauts suit and warp across space
Theoretically it could be used to travel, but “realistically” it probably couldn’t. Even if it’s an ability that’s as easy to activate as blinking, a typical blink lasts 1/3 of a second. If you can teleport 4x per second, you can only move at 28 inches per second, which is slower than walking speed. If you did it while you were running you could theoretically add 28 inches per second to your speed, but that would only increase your speed by about 10%.
It seems unlikely you could use the ability hundreds of times per second, because there really isn’t much that you can do intentionally hundreds of times per second.
Physics teachers hate this one simple trick
Speak for yourself. I’m more than 7" thick. I’m not making it through a sheet of paper.
As long as you maintain a personal diameter of <5 inches. If not, some door will trim it for you.
some door will trim it for you.
Hang on, let’s hear him out…
Cath here is that if you teleport accidentally into an object that object becomes a part of you.
So I just become a Katamari?
Fine by me.
You can do this already without the pill, you are just limited to objects that are somewhat sharp.
rolls around on a floor full of tacks
“Ha-ha, (ouch) na, na-na (ouch) na-na (ouch) na-na (ouch) na-na, (ouch) Kata(ouch)mari Dama(ouch)cy!”
Not just doors. Many walls are thinner than that. Any window or glass wall, even reinforced bulletproof ones, immediately become an entrance and exit. You could presumably walk into Fort Knox, grab a few bars of gold and walk back out. If you’re arrested, no jail could hold you.
You could easily be the most famous magician alive, doing impossible escapes from sealed boxes, or disappearing by teleporting 7 inches into a hollow but completely sealed object.
3 and 7 💯. I’m breaking into all the places.
Exactly. One power lets you see if it’s safe, and the second one teleports you into the space you know to be empty.
Most walls are more than 7 inches thick. You’d just get stuck.
Doors exist.
2 and 3 without question.
You’d make ludicrous money from the construction industry with an unlimited supply of gravel, while being able to teleport 7 inches would be useful for break-ins.
Free gravel for life. Just become a gravel wholesaler. Corner the market instantly.
Depending on the fine print that comes with these powers, some of them could be significantly less useless than they appear.
For instance, “look 10 hours younger.” Always, or can you do this on command? Can do you it on command more than once? Does the effect stack? Does it include your clothes? Etc. Because if it for example includes your clothes and/or makeup, you could use this to disguise yourself pretty elaborately, or equip yourself with a lot of stuff about your person in advance, then take it off and show up anywhere up to 10 hours later and conjure that stuff out of the air. Imagine the Matrix lobby scene, except you don’t have to set off the metal detector on your way through.
Infinite gravel could be pretty OP if you can conjure it at a fast rate, and especially so if you can conjure it at a remote location. Like, above your enemy’s head. Or inside his vehicle. Etc. Even if it’s just some kind of deal where you present your magic coupon at the Gravel Depot, you could corner the world’s supply. There are a lot of roads that need building in the world.
Or if your 7" teleportation range has no cooldown period, you could just chain-teleport pretty much anywhere that doesn’t require passing through anything thicker than 7". That’s tantamount to flight or super speed running, but you could do it without removing your asscheeks from your chair. Or depending on how the telefrag rules work, you could cause a lot of damage to anyone or anything you wanted by just teleporting through taking 7" bites out of your target each time.
Due to a recent Supreme Court ruling certain areas classified as wet land by the US Corp of Engineers are no longer under build restriction. To make them buildable they need fill. A few million tons of gravel fill seems like something someone would pay a lot of money for.
What really? Great let’s take away flood protection.
Yeah, it’s crazy. A couple from Idaho took the EPA to court and won. Wetlands not adjacent to bodies of water are no longer federally protected.
If you think about it, if looking 10 hours younger was constant, you basically created eternal youth. I’d say that’s pretty great.
you can’t teleport through things because you are thicker than 7"
2 and 7. Free gravel? Sign me up that shit’s expensive. And I think another way to interpret 7 is that you can instantly tell whether any closed container is empty or not, since you can only see into empty containers.
2 and 7 feels OP compared to any other combo by a mile. Definitely getting nerfed in the next patch.
For some reason my mind skipped straight past 2 so I never considered it. I was going to go 5 and 7. 7 for the same reasoning as your own, and I could probably use 5 as some sort of weird toaster-only magic show to make money. 2 Is definitely the far superior moneymaker here, but I’d probably go with 5 anyway because it’d be more fun to have as an ability.
Free gravel it is 😒. Why would someone make a quiz with no choice ?!
Sell free gravel you got Gravel to construction companies by the ton.
2 and 3
Assuming I have the ability to Summon free gravel
I could use it for all sorts of things such as making money, using it as a throwing weapon, etcetera
With the teleportation I could just chain I and travel to any country while maintaining a safe speed limit for my body during transition in and out of teleporting
Yeah no contest. Gravel can be sold, can teleport through walls or doors
Whoa whoa, the gift is getting free gravel for life. Wanting to summon it is just getting greedy
Free gravel has to come from somewhere, it’s functionally equivalent to summoning it. (Although it could be one of those asshole genie things where they’re like "I didn’t say how much free gravel)
I truly expect with the wording of the rest of this that you need to fill out like a requisition form for the gravel each time you want more.
You have to go to a quarry and pick it up every time. Mind you its still free so your only overhead would be in time and transit. Just sell it below market price to landscapers.
3 is just like diablo 2 sorcs just with more button spamming
Well if I can only pick #2 I guess I’m gonna get free gravel.
Dude all I’m thinking about is redoing my driveway. All these other people are looking to be gravel tycoons.
Yeah do you get like a choice of gravel? Because I’ve got a bluestone driveway that’s in piss poor condition, so being able to pick the matching flavor would be really convenient.
Definetly 2. You can make millions with that shit.
8 and 9.
I figure I can either make bank lending the anthropologists/archeologists a hand with an extinct language, or at least have a bunch of fun bringing it back to life as a personal hobby.
And really? No one’s picking nine? Have any of you seen Albert Einstein’s calves? He biked regularly. If it turns out I can outrun him now, that won’t always be the case as my sedentary ass ages.
No matter how crap my skeleton becomes, I’m giving myself an automatic default level of movement that isn’t all that shabby
Albert Einstein is dead. You couldn’t run at all.
- steal corpse of Albert Einstein
- hook it up to exoskeleton
- make it run E=mc2 miles per hour
- take the pill
Problem?
make it run E=mc2 miles per hour
You just converted the energy of Einstein’s corpse to mass. It increases in weight by a billionth of a gram or so and you’re now paraplegic.
Also, you failed high school physics.
/sorry
You’ve got it all backwards. Einstein’s corpse is now energy and fast AF.
Probably because you can just take teleportation instead
Bedridden, trying not to attract the attention of the government as I slowly teleport my 99yr old fail body a couple inches at a time towards the bathroom instead of being able to get up and jog.
