To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.
Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.
Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.
Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.
I do whatever the fuck I want, unless it is unpolite or could hurt somebody’s freedom.
I learnt that, as I don’t give a shit about what people are doing, they must also don’t give a shit either. People just care about themselves most of the time. The day I realized that, I had a strong freedom feeling.
Having kids multiplied this attitude by 1000 and actually, I see people smiling and interacting with us while we’re fooling around.
GO PLAY WITH FUCKING PUDDLES WEARING PINK PANTIES ON YOUR HEAD MY DUDE ! I might join you.
Ideally yes. But as a guy I have been insulted in public for small things like wearing nail polish, and that’s in a liberal German city. Most people don’t care, some don’t like it, some compliment it and some make me feel unsafe.
And that of course has an effect in other areas too: what if my boss or my coworkers don’t like me wearing nail polish? They would never be open about it (our company would not allow it), but it might lead to some bias against me. And as they wouldn’t be open about it, I couldn’t react to it (by calling them out or changing jobs). Instead I might just advance more slowly and wonder why that is. It really fucks with your mind, when you know there is bias against you (or something you do) but you never know in which situations it actually comes into play.
I still wear nail polish most of the time, because fuck the haters and we need to make progress somehow, but it’s not as easy as “I don’t care about them so they don’t care about me”.
I got you. Of course it’s easier said than done. But you got to be nuanced and able to read the room. Maybe think ahead to avoid being in trouble (work, edgy neighborhoods).
But in the end, you must not care. Even insults. Insults have the value only you give to them.
Take care ♥️
deleted by creator
Because when I do what I want, I get called a “retard” or asked “what the fuck are you doing?” by the people around me. I make a point to try to do things quietly (stopping to observe a cool bug, making chalk drawings on the sidewalk, saying “wheee!” on the swings, etc.), but it really doesn’t matter.
I’ve caught glimpses of people filming me before, so I now only do what I want in privacy.
Also doesn’t help that I’ve been accused of “doing it for attention” or worse: labeled as a “manic pixie dream girl.” Nah, my dude, pretty sure I’m just fckin’ autistic.
I only want people to leave me alone now. I don’t like having to justify my actions when I’m just trying to enjoy myself.
People who love you should be happy that something’s bringing you joy.
I would gently suggest surrounding yourself with kinder people. You should be able to stop and look at an insect in fascination or swing on a swing without being abused.
You’ll find those people :)
Thank you. Maybe one day.
I mean, they mentioned people filming them. I don’t know if they can surround themselves with kinder people to avoid that situation. That sounds like a general public issue if people are just filming someone like that.
Think of those shitty videos you see people upload. Like that lady on the airplane who was having a fucking mental breakdown. And people were just filming it for their own amusement.
hate to say it but people in general really do suck.
I hate this so much. People should be free to act like they want (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone), because why the hell not? What’s so objectively better about acting in the ‘normal’ way? But everything outside the very narrow idea of normal is treated like a problem by default.
I have some tics that come out when I’m alone that I’ve filtered out around others as long as I can remember, and honestly I think that’s part of why I feel so claustrophobic in social situations. I don’t even know how to act like ‘myself’ in public if I want to.
Seeing people being themselves regardless of how it looks to the current typical sensibilities is the only thing that lets me feel like I might be able to do the same. So fwiw, every little bit of rule breaking you have done or will do makes the world a little better for me, and anyone else who doesn’t feel welcome. Thanks.
I’ve always been such a child at heart and my soul is bursting with whimsical energy when I see kids playing pretend at the playground next to where I walk my dogs. I’d love to play pretend with them, encourage the children to really let their imaginations run wild and free. I was often lost in my own world as child. I know what it’s like to be so consumed by it. I want to fight the robot king, too!
I’m an adult male however. I would definitely look like a child predator, so I must go on my way.
To all of you guys who enjoy playing pretend, I want to suggest to try playing improv theater. There are often beginner courses and its a kind of slightly guided cooperative make believe. My personal recommendation: try long form Impro and not just short form (which I learned to be the goofier of the two). For me it was very freeing to find an outlet for this stuff where it’s suddenly even cool.
Join a local theatre group
In my past I used to take on janitorial or maintenance jobs, but the grossness of the job combined with the attitude of the general public just made it unbearable. People would ask me if I was a citizen and when I said yes, they’d tell me that it’s a job for immigrants. They’d also say that it’s a job for slaves and ask if I felt like a slave doing that kind of work.
Some people are so weird…
Holy shit. Those are horrible people.
Shitty people, amirite.
Sorry, I really couldn’t stop myself.
I used to do Janitorial work, And I got respect for it.
And you deserve respect for it to.
because decent people understand you are the fulcrum upon which their nice world balances on.
People like you deal with have less value than the effluence from an overflowing toilet.
Sorry you deal with such shitty people man.
Go get a job pumping septic tanks. Customer disrespects you? Walk off the job leaving them with backed up poo. Generally people are glad to see you. Good money if you can get to the point of running your own truck. Some dudes making good money posting about septic pumping on YouTube too. Get out the auger and whip up a poop smoothie. Mmmm! Smells like money!
Sounds like you’re still a kid at heart. I’ve got a 2yr old and I immensely enjoy playing these sorts of games with him. My wife always jokes that I’m using the sandbox more than him, she even snapped a couple of pics of me playing alone in there.
What kind of clothes are you talking about? A skirt on a man is still pretty courageous, but if you’re talking about a pink shirt just go for it. You’ll not be judged.
What kind of clothes are you talking about?
Overknee socks, crop tops, tiny shorts, speedos, yoga pants …
I’m perfectly aware that it’s not that others care that’s holding me back but the fact that I care. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
Ayy, speedos gang! May others avert their eyes if they can’t handle me and all my sexiness.
Regarding the original question, while I’m already running around in speedos, I absolutely wouldn’t mind some more colorful clothes, or perhaps some final fantasy/guild wars inspired clothing. Like those outer coats that go all the way to your shoes, but with decorations and stuff. But I feel that the included judging is a commitment I’m not ready for yet.
not much these days. ever since I realised people will judge you even if you don’t do anything. e.g. I used to be shy because i was worried about what they’d think of me when i spoke. this caused them to think I’m shy. so I made a decision that I’d rather have people judge me for who I am rather than for someone I’m not.
Wear a mask wherever I go. Not so much because for health reasons, but because I like to hide my face. I feel more comfortable that way, but at the same time people stare at you like you’re some kind of terrorist.
I prefer to wear scarves or other items that hide my face below my eyes.Breaking my very long period of unplanned celibacy.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
I think I could get laid, but I’m worried I wouldn’t perform well in bed and that I’d be shamed for it.
You’d be surprised how many people are totally willing to work with you on something like that.
Not at my age.
are you really old or really young? Either way, I know I was always willing to work with whoever I was seeing even if they couldn’t perform like they want to.
Hookers and blow
Wear a fanny pack/carry a non-backpack bag as a man.
It’s so convenient to have a bag full of stuff on you. Like I’m out and have a headache, boom Aspirin. At dinner and got some food in your teeth, bam flosser. It’s very satisfying when a situation comes up and you have the exact thing to solve a problem right there in your bag. But a backpack is too big and bulky and anything smaller becomes a purse and this looks down upon for a man to carry.
I only get the courage to wear it when on a trip where I can overly justify it. Like hiking, or a theme park or convention. I feel like if it was an everyday thing I’d have to explain it or hear about it more than I’d want to.
I see more and more men wearing fanny-pack-like crossbody bags where I am (Holland). Hopefully it will start catching on in your area!
If you can pull it off, even a dress can be manly
I honestly never realized how much of af my stepdad did not give until much later. As a diabetic he would wear a fanny pack with his insulin, needless, and extra sugar drop candy in case his sugars dropped. This was before pumps were a thing. He would also wear bike shorts, slip on shoes with socks, a regular white t-shirt and a flannel as an outfit with the fanny pack. Oh and also transition lenses. The thing about the bike shorts is that his legs look like an eldritch horror because diabetics don’t heal very quickly when they get a scrape or cut. He also kind of looks like Dale from King of the hill.
Get a cross body sling, One of those travel digital nomad things. The brand ones aren’t cheap but it’s like somewhat fashionable. Maybe that could work?
I’ve been into BDSM stuff since I was a kid basically, but I’ve always been to embarrassed to tell anyone or act on it because it’s some seriously kinky shit.
Local bdsm club
Practicing DJing. Neither my wife nor daughter are into their quality house music (neither am I, they would argue… 😀) and we have elderly neighbours, so I find it hard to find time to make a real effort to practice, and get self-conscious and disheartened pretty quickly.
My setup is in our living room area, so it’s not very convenient when people are doing just about anything downstairs. Would love to have a bit more space to make mistakes and make a noise without it bothering others.
I’d still be crap at it right enough… ;-)
I’d still be crap at it right enough… ;-)
But wouldn’t it be soooo fun?
There’s loads of little daft hobbies I either don’t do at all or hide. I went magnet fishing with a friend once, we found some cool jewellery that I still have and it was fun, so I went home and bought my own kit, I’ve never been though cause I don’t want to be that person doing it alone, or to actually ask anyone to come. Just lives in a box.
I’m so scared to be seen, that I can’t even go for a walk. I also want to get skateboard, but I can’t for the same reason. I’m terrified to be seen alone, or just seen in general.
Yet despite this, somehow I’m the opposite of that and manage a bunch of girls with compete confidence when I’m at work. I also have to deal with a ton of customers and don’t even hesitate to say no or let them have negative judgement to me. I’m very socially competent and meet new people all the time without fear of rejection and opening up. I definitely stand out, in a good way.
Yet I’m scared of them simply watching me going for a walk outside??
Interesting. I’m not scared of being seen but I like to not be seen. I spend a lot of time in nature and I always wear only earth tones. I like it when other people pass me up close but fail to notice me. I wonder if it has something to do with my voyeuristic tendencies. I love to just sit in a cafe to and watch people passing by.
I’d seek help, don’t want to tell people what’s normal and what’s not, but that’s definitely a slight deviation from the norm and it’s not helpful to you
That’s what it’s like to have GAD
Or being traumatized from being autistic and getting side eyes, snickers, giggles, eye rolls, scoffs, and bullying whenever you committed some social faux pas.
Singing
Pretty much that last paragraph of yours.
I don’t care if people see me as childish, weird, or even dumb. I do lots of things that make me seem all of those things.
But that makes me hesitate for some reason.
I did open up about it to some friends I was sure wouldn’t judge, and it helped a lot.
May i ask what kind of clothes you mean?
Skirts, dresses, thigh highs, crop tops, and just generally the womens section of the clothing store. So many items there that are a lot more interesting than what the mens section has to offer.
Never thought of that before, but you’re right. Way bigger variety of stuff
Right? Women have like twenty different types of tops in all the shapes and cuts imaginable
And colours! So many colours.
The material’s always nicer too.
Seriously, if I wear one more sandpaper hoodie, I’m gonna cry
That reminds me of men’s haircuts. If you’re sticking to traditional short hair you basically just walk in and go… Okay, how much longer do I want the top than the sides and do I want a fade or a hard line? And that’s pretty much it.
Going for longer hair as a guy just gives you so many more options.
I’m so annoyed by hair… I want to let mine grow so bad, but pollen/dustmite allergies and long hair is an awful combination
It’s definitely got a lot of caveats. For me, it is annoying to need to put my hair up every time I eat, otherwise I eat my hair. But I love the way it feels moving around and if you have any social anxiety it conceals your face when you look down, which can be helpful as an instant hideaway.
But yes, it is definitely many times less manageable than short hair. However… I don’t have bedhead ever!
Feeling my hair in the wind was definitely the best thing about my short-lived long hair adventure, gotta say
just be sure not to pull your hair up too tight and you’re good
I really love that some guys look at women’s clothing and think “oh that’s more interesting”
I totally agree. My wardrobe is gigantic cause there are so many things you can do.
More men should just wear whatever, tshirt and jeans is really getting boring, isn’t it.
Yes! I use to be a shirt and jeans person. Then one day I realized jeans made of denim aren’t all that comfy. And I could dress up more! And that actually there’s all kinds of stuff out there I can look good in.
I just need some of that confidence of yours, though. Maybe I’ll do a full dress-up on halloween first, so people don’t ask too much, because my god, do I not have the nerve for questions.
Halloween is the best time to try out dressing up!
