People are painful to me. I find their presence painful. I’ve been this way since infancy. I created a suite of methods for keeping them away (methods like “passive-aggressive hostility”). These methods became deep habits. Later in life I hungered for company and couldn’t figure out why I was so bad at it. I just recently realized what’s up (thanks meditation). Do any of you relate?
This has kept me from reaching out to all of my old friends. They ended up hanging out amongst themselves just like old times but I figured if they wanted me there with them too they’d invite me. Since they haven’t, they’re probably fine with me not being there/dont want me there. Oh well. Still makes me sad about missed interactions but I guess it is what it is.
I used to be toxic (maybe I still am?) so this is my punishment for it.
People are proximal! Maybe they haven’t reached out because they feel the same about you – “Man, I miss PerogiBoi! I know they’re around but they haven’t reached out to hang with our crew… they must need some space or have moved on”.
It goes both ways!