That Family Guy scene where Stewie says “mom, mom, mommy, mommy” over and over again and then runs out of the room
accurate
My one cat very agressively tells me each day when I get home that I must pick him and give him scritches right now.
My other cat speaks in secrets with the demons that reside in the dark corners of my home at night.
Twice in my life I’ve had a cat that runs to greet me at the door and tell me about her workday. It’s absolutely delightful
My dog judges my parenting. She barks and snorts if I don’t help the kids quickly enough.
My wife and I make up what my cat says. She has “conversations” with us. If we say something to her, she meows back. So we will say things like “what should we make for dinner?” And of course she just says “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want kibble for dinner. Think of something else.” So she again says, “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want canned wet food either!”
My cat does this bark/chirp and gives me this frustrated confused look. He’s essentially saying “Me, attention me” while he stretches his hands at me and “pretends” it’s just stretching.
He thinks he’s clever but I got him all figured out.
IT’S TIME TO GET UP! IT’S TIME TO EAT! I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL!
THE GUY WHO BRINGS BOXES IS HERE AGAIN AND HE’S REALLY GOING TO KILL US ALL THIS TIME!!!
I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL! IT’S TIME TO EAT!
I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL!
It’s time for bed.
So cute.
My hamster is a fucking primadonna hipster who works out 8 hours a day.
“Pellets…? Really…? Don’t you know they’re full of carbs…OH!! Fruit snacks!! I need energy!!”
“Carrots and dill treat? No thanks. I only eat the cranberry ones.” *Drags treat over to his pooping corner and leaves it there.
Me: “Did you just flush that treat down the toilet…?”
At 1:30 AM “I’m going to the gym!” *Pushes hamster wheel up against the side of his cage for maximum banging and clattering noises, then proceeds to go on a brisk run for 2 hours.
When I’m feeding him. “You may pick me up and pet me human, I consent. I like warm hands.”
When I need to clean his cage. “Bad touch, bad touch! I do not consent! I will bite you!”
As the owner of a cat who’s both talkative and a picky eater, it’s usually
“DAD I’M HUNGRYYYYYY”
And
“DAD I’M NOT HUNGRY FOR THAT HOW DARE YOU FEED ME THAT I’D RATHER STARVE”
If my guinea pigs are in their cage they’re yelling at me to get them some veggies from the fridge. But if they’re in my bedroom they just chatter which I assume is general banter.
I’ll be honest, I had no idea guinea pigs talked. Now I must scour the internet for videos of guinea pigs talking to their owners!
We have two dogs and two cats. All of them talk, but our husky mix is in a class by himself. He carries on detailed conversations all the time. If he could form consonants as well as vowels he would just speak English. And occasionally he sings the blues, quite beautifully.
Denali: “Both cats are on the bed, although Sue is hiding in the headboard. There are three rabbits out back near the windows. Three people are walking dogs somewhere on our streets. And the postman is running late today.” Me: “Okay, thanks for the status report.” Denali: “That was just the summary. Let me give you the details…”
My cat is always either telling me he wants to go outside unsupervised, or that he wants my food instead of his.
I endure this all day every day. Torti too
Why is my food bowl empty???
What are you eating, can i have some?!?
That will be about 80% of the conversation based on my experience.
LETS GO OUT LETS GO OUT I NEED TO GO OUT WHY ARENT WE OUTSIDE YET?
Both kitties:
Athena: Hungry! I’m hungry! I know it’s not dinner time, but I’d be happy to eat now if you’re ready!
Nova: I know you love me and I want you to pet me. Stop doing whatever you’re doing, I want attention. I love you back.
or
Nova: I’m ready to play, idiot. Pick up this toy I dragged across the room.
It is mostly complaining about the hardships of life as a creature without any responsibilities whatsoever.
When our cat is really going to town yowling at us, I like to respond “I know, life is so hard, no one loves you or cares for you or feeds you and scoops your poop.”
That or “calm your little kitty titties.”
Lol I say that first one to my cat too!
My dog has two modes: Sleepy on the couch and “THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE EVER TOUCHED A LEASH OH MY GOD I’M GOING FOR A WALK I NEED TO TELL THE WORLD” …she gets walks daily, she is just super hyped up about them, and nothing else.
