“Ahoy 'hoy” like Mr. Burns in the Simpsons?
Or even like Alexander Graham Bell?
The inventor of the graham cracker?
The inventor of Taco Bell
So multitalented! I can see why they called him Alexander the Great.
And Grappa Alexander
TIL, thanks for sharing
This one’s pretty mild: I answer phones with “Yellow?”
My entire family “Yello”s!
I answer my phone with it all the time and nobody’s ever commented.
I like to take it a step further and “Jello!”
I was thinking to try other fruit, like “strawberry!”, Or “banana!”… With no prompting and no explanation. If anyone asks about it, I’ll deny it and tell them I just said “hello”.
Just trying to spice things up in the most unusual and mundane ways
When my friends does this I’ll say “I didn’t know you had color ID!!!”
Is this about my cube?
Reminds me of JD from Heathers.
I answered my work phone with “Morgans Morgue; you kill’em, we chill’em” once. My coworker did not expect that and cracked up.
I’ve used the same line with different slogan a few times, but that’s the one that worked the best.
I’ve used “Joe’s roadside cafe, you kill em, we grill em” before
Also works with “crematorium”
“Marty’s Morgue, you stab em’ we slab em.”
That’s how I’ve always said it. lol
City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
Or you slice 'em, we ice (or dice, if you want gruesome) 'em
Joe’s pool hall, 8 ball speaking
Sam’s sanitarium, what nut do you want?
Town grocery, you want the fruit or the vegetable?
Bill’s grill, where our meat fits your buns, how can we serve?
Bill’s grill, where we shove our greasy meat in your mouth, how can we serve?
I used to have a whole list of these things I picked up over the years, but being able to ignore calls without having to hear them ring has made me forget a lot more
City crematorium - you kill 'em, we grill 'em
I’m trying to figure out how to use this as an ice cream joke
Jimmy’s pizza and abortions - your loss is our sauce.
Absolutely savage. I love it
I’ve heard the morgue one before, but I heard it as, “You stab 'em, we bag 'em!”
My dad’s one was always “You kill 'em, we chill 'em”
Dickmans meat you can’t beat our meat!
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“Big Paul’s Pool Hall, 8-ball speaking, shoot!”
That’s the version I’ve always used.
“Joe’s Bait, Tackle, and Mortuary Service - You Stab ‘Em We Slab ‘Em”
Moshi Moshi
Japanese intensifies
Do it in Germany! “Muschi” means “pussy”.
I sometimes answer with “Come in please” when I know who’s calling. Never stops irritating people lol.
One of my dad’s favourites, which I use, as deep as possible “Lunch room, this is Susan”. Works great when it’s a telemarketer from an overseas, outsourced call centre…
One time my dad and I were sitting in the car while my mom and wife were shopping (fabric store, not our jam). They kept calling us and we kept answering, pretending to be our voicemail messages.
I don’t know how we could keep calm while talking, because we were laughing our asses off in between calls, but it worked!
Amazing. I’ll try this sometime.
“Catholic freight depot random city” makes callers pause for a second to think about what they just heard.
Oooo I love this one, the dissonance is excellent!
“Republican Bakery”
In a non-local language.
This also provides a minimal level of security against robocall scams.
“I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty “
Was at the house of a relative of a friend. When the phone rang he asked me to answer it. Suddenly realizing I didn’t know the name of the home owner and lacking anything beyond “hello”, I simply said, “Massachusetts.”
“Thanks for calling in to 102.5! You’re on the air! What is your embarrassing poop story?”
If you have voicemail (because apparently some lucky bastards these days don’t need it) just repeat your voicemail message.
Especially funny if it’s someone you didn’t want to even talk to, and after you finish, when it would normally beep to indicate the caller should leave a message, just hang up.
“[your city] Police, how can I help you.”
