If anyone has ever worked or talked with a refugee or asylum seeker, none of this is surprising. The US gives so little assistance to resettling refugees that it’s truly embarrassing.

They get three months of bare minimum help - often through religious “resettlement” groups who receive the funds. After three months, they are expected to get a job, pay their own rent, navigate life in the US (including driving), and speak English well enough to do all of that.

They get almost no extra healthcare, rent assistance, food assistance, trauma therapy, or anything else beyond that point unless they are able to navigate the systems to do so. And to be honest, that is difficult enough for someone born here. It’s almost impossible for a new refugee. What little assistance they do get after the first 90 days is often due to community and church groups, not the US government.

Theoretically, they have case workers etc. through the resettlement agencies, but it’s a total mess. It’s an absolute disgrace, and we can and should be doing better to support refugees and asylum seekers. Especially if they are going to get dumped in a small town with no resources. I really understand residents’ frustrations, but I also hope this ugly episode teaches people how woefully inadequate our refugee program is - and helps them advocate for change! We can do better.

I think others have covered the economies of scale and niche products creating the disparity.

But I wanted to suggest that if your grandpa is regularly eating gluten free bread, we have found that making it at home is SO much more affordable than buying a loaf at the store. (Even though gluten free flour is also more expensive.) Most of the gluten free flours have their own sandwich bread recipe, either on the bag or their website. I don’t know what flours you have access to, but they can be wildly different blends, so using their tested recipes is always best.

We’ve mastered our favorite so it takes only 15 minutes of “work” and then just time in the oven. It’s also much better than store bought! I don’t know if that’s possible for you, but it could be a lovely weekly ritual for you and your grandpa.

Also, to anyone suggesting we just eat rice and beans, I’m an old celiac. We went without bread, pasta, cake, pastries, cookies, brownies, pizza, and crackers before these products came to market. These are mostly “fun” foods that I don’t eat regularly, but usually pop up in social situations. Do you know how many sad birthdays with no cake we’ve had? How often we’ve watched our friends and family eat things we could never have? I am so grateful to the “fad” gluten free people who made it possible to have culturally/socially important foods we were missing out on for decades!!

Oh yes, ours is a chair thief too! Little stinkers.

Our 15 year old has a new habit of coming into the kitchen every time we do, and stretching out directly in the middle of the walkway so he is in the way at all times. We have a pretty decent sized space, but he’s a very long cat when he wants to be. I feel like he defies the laws of physics because I don’t understand how he’s in the way literally everywhere. It makes me crazy.

So when we cook, which is usually 2-3 times a day, it’s like, need to open the oven? Cat. Need to get into the fridge? Cat! Sink? Cat. Oh, I need to dry my hands? Cat. We have definitely stepped on him by accident since he started doing this, but he’s still undeterred. He has bad arthritis, so I don’t mind when he sits in front of the oven when it’s on, because at least that one makes sense. (He has multiple heated beds too; don’t feel bad for him.) But it’s like, I would love to be able to grab water from the kitchen or feed the dog or do literally anything in there without almost stepping on my cat.

My pleasure. Let me know if there are other resources I can recommend!

We ALL need to hear it! You’re so welcome. I try to keep reminders near me when hustle culture rears its head, and it always helps :)

When we first moved to Seattle, there was no such thing as fire season and no need for AC. Our AQI this year so far has been surprisingly terrific, but I’m sure we will get bad smoke before the rain comes again. I’m really feeling nostalgic for those long summers of perfect weather. It’s so stressful - especially with family who has asthma. Hope y’all are all hanging in there!

I always find that starting any new job is exhausting! There is so much to learn - not even the “work” itself, but processes, personalities, and systems that differ from workplace to workplace. Unless you are struggling hard financially, give yourself some time. For me, it takes at least 4-6 months in a new job to feel ready to add something else. (Now that I own my own business, it’s just adding the next thing in the business…then 4-6 months later, the next thing…). You will have to feel out your own balance and where you can draw the line. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to make more money, if that’s a goal. But you can’t do it at the expense of your sanity, relationships, health, etc. Make it sustainable.

I’m in the US for context, but have lived all over the world, and don’t participate in the hustle culture here. I work hard for my clients and there are crunch times, but on average it’s about 30-35 hours a week. That’s a sweet spot for me! I hope you find yours.

No, but I think about it all the time!!! I’m not an engineer but if anyone does sketch or attempt it, please post it, we would love to see it!

Willpower IS a thing and there is some really interesting research about how it is an exhaustible psychological “resource” we have! In other words, we can exercise our willpower up to a point, but it’s not infinite. Highly recommend reading “Switch” by Chip and Dan Health which goes into willpower as a concept if you are interested in this.

I don’t know about the notes, but I wanted to say that it takes time and effort to unlearn this idea that we are supposed to be productive all the time. This is a lie that many powerful people want us to internalize so we work ourselves to death, and it’s very insidious and omnipresent. It’s become a perverse “value” in our society at large and something to be proud of.

But you are not a machine. You’re a person. And that means you need and deserve rest and comfort.

You have inherent worth outside of your productivity, how hard you work, or how much money you make.

Those metrics don’t tell us anything about how you are as a person, your values, your kindness, your strengths, the joy you bring others.

ALL of that stuff has value. Real true value. You have to start challenging these beliefs about your worthiness. Because you are already worthy.

Some further reading/resources:

1. The Body Is Not An Apology
2. Rest is Resistance
3. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.

It was already hot when I was watering plants at like 8:30 this morning…and a hummingbird came within a few inches of me and was trying to drink from the spray!

If you can put out (in the shade) a pie tin or big bowl with some water for the critters this week, they will definitely appreciate it.

Me too!!! I still play through it once a year or so and listen to the soundtrack all the time. My favorite game of all time; one of my favorite pieces of art of all time. Guess I’m due for another round!

No, I’m not referencing my original comment. I meant I drafted a detailed response to the water/arable land/invasives complaint about the entire cut flower industry, and all the orgs/lobbying efforts re: farmland and ag policy we are working on to change it, but deleted it.

I wrote out a long comment, but there are loads of people trying to change this industry for the better. 78% of all flowers in the US are imported and it’s a huge problem. I hope you’re able to always buy locally grown flowers from small farms like we do. (Many of whom also grow vegetables.) In our area, housing developers buying up arable farmland are the biggest challenge to small scale farms.

It’s fine to not read a whole comment, but there is still plenty of demand from people with money. Can you tell me more about why you believe the wedding industry is predatory?

Your resident lemmy wedding florist checking in!

Cheers to all of you who are excited about the deaths of small businesses just because you…don’t like the way other people get married, lol? Do you think artists should be paid, or not?

I, too, got married when I was a broke grad student and couldn’t afford the wedding I wanted. We didn’t go in debt for it! In big cities, there are a lot more wealthy people than y’all realize who are happy to pay people like me to make art. Business is down but still fine for us.

Anyway, what most people don’t realize is that certain wedding vendors have super low overhead costs, so they are mostly paying for labor. Your DJs, wedding planners, and photographers can afford to charge $3k/wedding and still pay themselves. Meanwhile, florists are spending $1-4k at wholesale for a typical wedding, before we even touch your flowers or get any pay for our time. I think we probably have the highest COGs outside of venues. Catering, cakes, and to some extent rental companies are all in the same boat - we have to pay a lot to provide you with the physical goods we show up with, and we don’t make much.

I know everyone on Reddit and probably Lemmy thinks every wedding vendor is fleecing couples at all times. Or that the price goes up because “wedding.” It doesn’t. The price is what it is because it takes a LOT of labor and materials to create an entire event from scratch. And because it’s seasonal/weird hour/weekend work, we have to pay our freelance teams really well to keep them coming back. (You think I can afford a salaried team year round?? Lol no.) I can’t think of a single colleague who inflates pricing between weddings vs. other kinds of events.

I only do $10k+ weddings, and you probably think I’m raking it in. But 75-80% of the cost of every wedding I do goes to someone else - paying my team $35/hr, paying local flower farmers fair wages for their products, buying vases or supplies, my web hosting and professional fees, insurance, etc. I still only take home A QUARTER of what my spouse does in a good year. We live in an expensive city, and I could make a lot more money doing something else, but I love what I do.

I hope this helps y’all understand at least the wedding floral business a bit better. We aren’t getting rich off weddings, there is no wedding tax, and wholesale flowers are expensive AF before we do anything with them. I can’t speak for all vendors, maybe there are unscrupulous ones out there, but most are just small businesses trying to do something we love for a living. And I don’t really understand the online hate when people are in my inbox every day asking me about their wedding date.

Oh yeah that whole thing was so absurd. Like…it’s so radio friendly, I don’t get it?!? And God they are so good too!! Saw them live last year, one of the most energetic shows I’ve ever seen, period! Germany has so much great music.

Our cat will follow us around the house, screaming, until we either sit with him in our lap (human heating pad) or put him in his heated bed but remain near (human security blanket). He’s a sweet cat and has arthritis, so I get it. But sometimes we gotta make dinner, bro.

Our dog will constantly and shamelessly be nearby when food is present, whether we are cooking, eating, feeding the cat, doesn’t matter. His previous owner gave him human food all the time. He completely deflates when you tell him to go lie down. When we cook, we just let him be in the way, next to the screaming cat 🤷‍♀️