Ukraine and Russia should be in there somewhere. Nonetheless, you have captured the feeling of the current situation.

Right on. This is fifteen million merits short, imho.

Fi yuo thnik yu’oer hvanig a steoerk, plaees clal 191 imemdaityl.

Idiot here. Is it proof that Fauci did 9/11 harbor to fake the flat moon landing on 5g vaccine autism with gay-hurricane-powered Jewish frog space lasers funded by Bill gates and George Soros?

Southern California is the home of the high-speed freeway chase but tonight’s flee from justice was on the sea and slow as molasses. Bluth Development Company president George Bluth was arrested tonight for defrauding investors, and using the company as his personal piggy bank. More intrigue on the high seas tonight, as dozens of local pirates were arrested for protesting the Yacht Club’s discriminatory policies.

This is great. Also, I can’t not think of Arrested Development.

Deep beneath a private island in the Pacific, in a hidden chamber lined with gold-leafed bookshelves and quantum supercomputers, the most powerful men on Earth gathered in secret.

Donald Trump adjusted his crimson tie and sighed. “It’s not working, folks. We tried giving them money, and they just keep asking for less.”

Mark Zuckerberg, seated beside him, nodded solemnly. “I even launched an algorithm that boosted posts about universal basic income. What happened? People demanded more gig work instead.”

Elon Musk leaned forward, rubbing his temples. “I offered to give away Tesla stock. Instead, they asked me to cut costs and fire more workers to ‘boost productivity.’ How do you give away wealth when they refuse to take it?”

Jeff Bezos, pacing the marble floor, gestured wildly. “I raised warehouse wages! They organized a petition to lower them, saying it would ‘teach discipline.’”

Peter Thiel adjusted his monocle. No one knew why he wore one, but it added to his aura of sinister brilliance. “We tried funneling money through offshore charities. We even funded a secret movement that encouraged people to demand better living conditions. What happened? They begged for longer hours, fewer benefits, and harsher bosses.”

Larry Ellison sipped a 200-year-old scotch and sighed. “We’re trapped. Every time we try to redistribute our wealth, the system forces it back into our hands.”

A hush fell over the chamber.

The room’s quantum supercomputer beeped. A projection lit up the wall, showing an economic simulation. Every time they injected money into the lower classes, the populace—driven by an inexplicable work ethic—found ways to give it back. They called for “hard work” over “handouts,” praised billionaires as job creators, and tirelessly pursued policies that kept wages low and corporate profits high.

Trump shook his head. “I thought people loved winning. This is the worst deal in history.”

Musk sighed. “Maybe we should leave Earth entirely. Let them sort it out.”

Bezos frowned. “Mars colonization isn’t ready yet.”

Zuckerberg scrolled through his phone, a flicker of hope in his eyes. “What if we just… stopped trying?”

The billionaires exchanged glances.

Thiel steepled his fingers. “That would mean living with the guilt.”

Ellison drained his glass. “Or we could take the nuclear option.”

The room fell silent.

“The nuclear option?” Bezos asked cautiously.

Ellison leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper. “We… give them everything.”

Gasps filled the chamber.

“No stocks. No corporations. No assets. No wealth,” Ellison continued. “We drop it all into their laps and walk away. No strings attached. No economic structures left to maintain. Just pure, uncontrolled prosperity.”

Musk paled. “That’s madness. A complete system collapse.”

Trump grumbled. “But maybe… the greatest system collapse.”

The quantum supercomputer calculated. The answer flashed on the screen:

Projected Outcome: Billionaires’ wealth depleted. Poverty instantly eradicated. Within five years, 98% of former billionaires regain their fortunes due to economic demand for ‘strong leadership’ and ‘wealth redistribution toward the competent.’

Zuckerberg groaned. “Even if we burn it all down, they’ll just build it back up around us.”

Bezos sat heavily in his chair. “Then there’s only one solution.”

The others leaned in.

“We keep trying.”

Silence.

Then, one by one, the billionaires nodded.

It was their curse. Their eternal struggle. No matter how hard they tried to give it all away, the world would always find a way to make them rich again.

And so, reluctantly, they raised their glasses.

“To ending poverty,” Musk muttered.

“To losing,” Trump added.

They drank in grim silence, knowing that, once again, they were doomed to win.

Those were the days.

This isn’t a shitpost, and I mean that in the best possible way. More people need to realize these kinds of things that are happening. Upvote for the goodpost.

I purchased the album on compact disc when it was released. I remember getting it from the general store, where Mr. Willoughby would sell penny candy to us kids for a ha’penny if he was in a good mood. Then we ran down the road, rolling our hoops with our sticks. That was the day I got my first tricorn hat.

Yeah, in all seriousness, it’s a great song.

Flicking Your Switch

Ladytron

Saw your visa card, and took a trip downtown

i don’t really care that there’s people around

9-2-3, 8-1-6

is the sound of them flicking your switch

8-1-5, 9-1-4

does this mean you don’t trust me anymore?

Josh, Joshua, Jesus, Iesus, Yeshua, Yehoshua. There’s something there. Good call.

That’s okay. We’re a casual internet forum of strangers. We’re not responsible for that level of Philosophy. I was just curious.

I’m on board for the most part. With the McDonald’s one, I’d like to point out that there are at least three underpaid people involved in the process of receiving, making and delivering the order. The prices went up a lot more than their wages. The people that deserve to go to Heck (or worse) are a lot higher up.

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That’s horrible. Excellent work.

Is it smelly, viscous, warm liquid that makes an awful sound?

Oh, I get it now. The other foot is uncomfortably dry and flaky.

Why just one?