It’s been pretty much exactly 20 years since a psychologist first suspected I have adhd. I finally got a Ritalin. The mixture of grief and elation I’m feeling is indescribable. I was robbed of so, so much in my teens and early-mid twenties, but I can finally begin to live my life.
Story if you want it: my mum took me to a child psychologist when I was 7 to get an opinion of whether it’d be a good idea that a skip a grade. I only know this because I overheard her telling it to friends as a funny story, and going like hahaha as if MY child is disabled/r-slur (where I live, people use disabled as a derogative, both for the disabled and as a generic one. Similar to how some people say gay as an insult. So, idk an accurate translation, it’s inbetween). This was when I was maybe 12? I googled (at school, didn’t have my own PC) and more or less concluded I have adhd, and that it wouldn’t be safe or worthwhile to bring it up with mum.
As soon as I moved out (at about 19), I went to my GP about troubles focusing that I’d had my entire life. I think that’s how I put it. She referred me to a neurologist and did bloodwork, but I never went, because the GP office gave the diagnostics and referral to my mum when she went to the office (it was her doc too; I’ve switched since). Mum gave me shit. My health insurance ran through her because I was a full time student, so, while it wasn’t legal to show her my diagnoses, she would’ve seen what doctors billed my appointment through her insurance.
I struggled a bunch both with physical health and depression in my early twenties. So an adhd diagnosis wasn’t the first of my worried. I did go to a psychologist who did a mini adhd test and concluded I had it. I must’ve been like 23? So I took her diagnosis to my psychiatrist who was treating my depression. Psychiatrist basically said that that’s ridiculous, because I’ve graduated high school and even have a bachelors in a difficult area. I went back to the psychologist to get a recommendation for a new psychiatrist. Took about 3 years to get an appointment (not really their fault; they’re suuuper booked out and kept telling me to call back in two weeks, and I kept forgetting because, well, adhd. I kinda just tried again every few months when i remembered.)
New psych is great. But I couldn’t immediately get meds because they’re a little hard on the heart, and so is my autoimmune disease. Had to get some ultrasounds, ECG, bloodwork. Would’ve taken probably a week or two as doctors usually aren’t as booked out here (unless they’re the only non private psych who treats adult adhd) but i suck at making appointments, so that was another few months.
I finally got the ok from all of them, and I got my prescription. I cried. At first from relief and joy. And then I actually tried them. And I cried again. This could’ve been how I felt my entire life? So much hardship and pain that could’ve been avoided. So much disappointment and ‘but you’re so smart!’. I mightn’t even be depressed if I hadn’t suffered this much every single day of my entire life.
If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading all that! What’s your adhd story?
I was also recently diagnosed in my mid thirties, I’ve strongly assumed I’ve had adhd for the past 3-4 years but never went to get a diagnosis because I’m generally successful at work, have a bs and masters in sorts difficult fields, and did pretty okay in school (I was just “lazy” and didn’t do homework, but would ace tests). Over the past year though work has gotten extremely busy and we’ve been very short staffed and it’s all caught up with me. I had a couple of episodes of near burn out that made me realize I needed to do something. Hit a fairly quick appointment with a psychologist to do testing and learned that I have combined type adhd but it was likely not noticed because my general intelligence is above average so I wouldn’t have necessarily shown the same classic signs in school. I’ve talked to my parents about it and my mom honestly never considered adhd, but as I described typical symptoms she could name tons of times I showed most of them. My brother dies too, as does my dad and uncle (we’ve always joked that the family gene was our knack of starting a hobby, getting just good enough to prove we could do it then jumping to something else, also our habit of just putting down tools and such when a job is done and never putting them away, turns out that family gene is just adhd). I’m not mad at my parents, they aren’t doctors and in the 90s/2000s add/adhd had a stigma around it for kids that had it, so if I wasn’t running in circles in the corner then of course I didn’t have it. Recently started on atomoxetine and it’s taken a couple weeks but I for sure can tell a difference. I do wonder how things like my social anxiety and overall productivity would be different if I had been on meds for the past 5 years, 10 years, etc. I don’t think I’d be in the same place I am now, but I don’t know that I’d be better out worse, just maybe a bit more satisfied in a more regular basis. Our struggles and experiences are what mages us who we are. You have the friends you do, interests you enjoy, and hobbies (maybe too many) you do because of your past. Sure it wasn’t the most fun, and certainly not easy, but don’t look at it like a loss or a waste, look at now like a new chapter that you are entering.