“Fuck hitler’s mom”
Yeah that sounds like the setup to a bootstrap paradox in which you were always hitler’s dad.
Get a vasectomy, then start the relationship.
Ah, yes, the “release a bunch of infertile male mosquitoes so the females won’t have any babies” approach to Hitler-offing.
If that’s the case, trying to kill Hitler would make Hitler what he always has been.
I believe theres a twilight zone episode where that happens.
Which episode?
The one where they go back in time and fuck hitler’s mom.
Which one?
He only had one mom!
Still not answered, I wonder too.
Cradle of Darkness maybe? https://youtu.be/byIkAPRnWnU
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Thx.
Yes.
I had to look it up. Its called “cradle of darkness”, the fifth episode of the 2nd twilight zone revival series.
In an alternate timeline:
“Yea who’s the fuck is Hitler? Himmler is the fuhrer of our fatherland, the Great German Reich, that spans the entire world!”
What if Hitler was the best case scenario result of time traveler interference? He bungled a lot of decisions someone like Himmler probably wouldn’t have. What if WWII is ultimately unavoidable, and every other timeline was way worse?
Maybe Hitler is actually a time traveller that pretends to be a nazi because from his timeline, the german fascist took over the world was way worse so he had to join the nazis to defeat the nazis? Maybe the Holocaust was like 10 times worse in his timeline and he intentionally did stupid decisions to reduce the kill count.
Best case?
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Germany was only 75 years old in 1941; for all we know it’d be some totally new country that ended up conquering everything. “Hail to Field Marshal Bing Bong Potatoman, ruler of our great glorious Zambonian Empire”
I welcome our new ice resurfacing overlords
As a Canadian, I always knew the Zamboni’s would take over eventually.
Literally the start of Command and Conquer Red Alert lol
Would there even be an Oppenheimer movie in the new timeline?
And without Oppenheimer we’d never have Barbie!
:(
But we’ll always have Margot in our hearts!
:)
Wait wait, I should have said:
We’ll always have Margot in our hearts, even if Hitler was alive!
I feel pretty Aladeen about this.
There’d definitely be a Barbie movie, it’s just that all of the other girls in the Barbie movie would also be blond. And at one point a random Eastern-European-looking girl would die in some sort of Barbiemobile hit-and-run while Barbie and Ken giggled about it.
Such is the nature of time travel that you go back in time to seduce and fuck Hitler’s mom and guess what?
Your son is Adolf Hitler.
No one ever considers that this is the best timeline possible and we got Hitler because someone already time shivved the SUPER NAZIS and SUPER HITLER
Mecha-Hitler wasn’t just some artist’s drawing for Wolfenstein, it’s a remnant of another timeline where there’s fuckin robot Nazis all over
The premise of the entire Command and Conquer universe is that Einstein deleted Hitler and it went horribly wrong.
That’s just the Red Alert series, but ok.
Eh, yes and no. Red Alert 1 is part of both the Red Alert and Tiberium series. One ending results in RA2 and the other in Tiberian Dawn (C&C '95) but there’s no consensus on which ending leads to which game. I think that the Allied ending leads to TD and the Soviet ending leads to RA2, but there are arguments the other way, too.
No need to be pedantic.
It’s something of a thing we are doing now at lemmy. Don’t worry, it gets worse. Like a mutated Reddit
So the Holocaust is OP’s fault?
Hitler was always your son.
Reminds me of that twilight zone episode where she goes back in time and swaps baby Hitler for a kid she found on the street without the parents noticing. Turns out that baby on the street was the Hitler we knew and she caused the holocaust.
Heads up, Hitler’s mom died of breast cancer when he was young. If you’re going to seduce her, you should be emotionally prepared for the consequences.
So you’re saying Hitler could have been one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?
Treat his mom’s cancer, then?
Eva: Adolf, why are you destroying everything? Adolf: My father is a time traveler from the future and he left me. So I make sure he will not exist. Eva: From the future? So he could also be our son? laughs Adolf: takes the gun
That actually went full circle, 12 Monkeys style.
It’s never “give Hitler a good life where he is never taught or led to be a prejudice psychopathic murderer.”
i mean, who has that kind of time?
What about get Hitler art lessons at a young age or don’t let him try art at all
Traumatize Hilter to make him hate art.
Imo, his art wasn’t bad. But yeah. I think maybe just don’t let him join the army
I agree it wasn’t bad. Bribe the art school to let him in, and his career path changes completely.
I mean I get the whole post isn’t super serious but for real, I doubt that getting rid of Hitler-Hitler would have stopped the rise of fascism and nazis. There would have just been another leader who might have caused even greater damage.
I always think more about the technological leaps made because of the war. We might not have gone to space if nobody made rockets as weapons.
I think often such things merely accelerate the time line. I’m pretty sure the urge to go look at the big shiny thing in the sky has been with us a looong time. We would have gotten there eventually one way or another.
It would also probably go even faster if we just stopped requiring things to be “”“economical”“” to get research.
That’s sadly a very good point. I work in the biomedical sphere and it is an uncomfortable topic that a lot of our knowledge would not exist without the horrible experiments done on people during the second world war.
Or fascism may become the new trend in democracy because it didn’t get associated with genocide…
you imply this isn’t what’s currently happening anyways
We would have gotten a communist germany. The first big enemy Hitler and his nazi party had to defeat were the communists who were operating similar death gangs to their gestapo.
If you think about it, there are on average 30 to 80 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Surely that’d be enough to change history.
Ye old scrotal quantum shake
Twist his dick!!!
So naive… your bump was precisely necessary for the single unlikely Adolph sperm to make its way to the front of the line. You were always the nut-bumper that caused Hitler.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
How would you know that this situation including time traveler dad’s disappearance doesn’t ultimately create him?
In general, all the “use time machine to kill Hitler” ideas (in the rare cases they are not presented as just a joke) assume that it was Hitler the person and not the socioeconomic and historical conditions that resulted in the catastrophe. There were enough little Hitlers to fill that role. If you want to prevent anything beyond small details, you have your hands full of work as a time traveler.
I think this comment really understates just how effective Hitler was as a politician and a leader. He tried to forcibly take over the government and it failed. That part any “little Hitler” could do and also likely fail. What set him apart was his charisma and appeal to the downtrodden, not unlike a certain US politician. He was so well loved and respected that he was able to do heinous acts with near universal support. I don’t think there are many people in history that can do that sort of thing as effectively as he did
But just as that certain other US politician, he mostly came to power due to complacency and collaboration by more moderate nationalists and conservatives. And while the mythos of Hitler was immense, his draw not to be underestimated, without people like Goebbels, without the people hungering for just about any populist figure that enabled their own conspiracy theories, he would have been just another charismatic figure.
Let’s put it this way: If you went back in time and somehow turned Hitler into a communist would that have led to the KPD being voted into power by the enabling act? I seriously doubt it, he was an exceptionally skilled speaker and decent political tactician, but he was no hand that pulled the strings of fate on his own.
Well, history is actually full of those guys. Successful enough to actually conquer territories? Much less, but still quite many.
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True, individuals aren’t completely without influence of course, it would certainly re-roll details of what exactly happens, which could turn out significantly better. Unfortunately it could also be worse.
Also, there are limits to what can be achieved with it. For example, even without Hitler, to achieve a successful socialist movement in Weimar Germany, you’d have to do a lot more, Hitler was raised into a fascist demagogue by organizations active long before him, and their foundation was so rooted in the sense of revanchism and the rampant conspiracy theories drenching with antisemitism in Germany at that time, I genuinely think he was not important enough as a rallying figure to have tipped the scale, it was weighted heavily in their favour to begin with.
Keeping the SPD from hiring and strengthening the protofascist Freikorps alone would be more influential than killing Hitler, for example.
It is both.
I used to think the Great Man of History idea was silly. Clearly, it was a about a complex set of conditions that made somebody like them inevitable.
Then I worked for a few CEOs, good and bad and realized that, even in a company of thousands, the vision and charisma of one man makes all the difference.
Now, I think I see it like great plays in sports. It is the whole team, and the other team, and an uncountable number of factors ( bump in the turf ) that setup the conditions for that perfect shot. Once conditions are right though, you also need somebody capable of capitalizing on that moment and making history. Perhaps the most important element is that history making player. You still have to put them in the right spot though and a lot goes into that.
Indeed. Some people wrong place wrong time completely alter the course of history from that point forward.
Use time travel to 1914 and save archduke Franz Ferdinand, avoid the great war and the economic sanctions imposed into Germany after the war
Go back in time and try to flag down Archduke Ferdinand’s motor carriage only for the driver to get freaked out and go down the alternate route right to where Gavrilo was trying to get to the original route but was running late because another time traveler delayed him…
There are some key points though that if prevented could stop the whole shit. The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand for one.
Personally, I’d think that would have resulted in a very different World War in the following years, but I am genuinely of the opinion that it was unavoidable. The conflicting imperialist interests were getting more and more tense, and Bismarck’s web of alliances to keep the peace had not only already failed but had become impossible to maintain (due to those ever more rising tensions)
So kill all of Germany just to be safe. Gotcha.
Nuke it from orbit. It is the only way to be sure.
The Vogon constructer fleet is on its way…
Because it is a thought experiment about punishing people for pre-crime, not people actually planning what to do with a time machine.
No, I’d 100% kill Hitler if I ever got a time machine. It would be my first stop on my way to see the dinosaurs.
i’d fuck his mom
The cool thing about a time machine is you’d be able to kill Hitler several times, in several ways, in several different back drops. 😃
Kill Hitler, every single day that he was alive, starting with the last day and working your way back to his birth.
Hey if you ever get access to a time machine and i somehow piss you off in the future, could you do me a favor and hop back to this day and warn me?
Consider yourself warned.
oh no
And you just legitimized a large swath of serial killers. How can you deny someone his kill who is “saving the world”?
That’s a little sociopathic
One might argue that the Holocaust was also a bit sociopathic.
More than a bit. But I don’t fantasize about mutilating and murdering a serial killer every day. Dexter wasn’t saying that its normal
You’d wipe out everyone born to someone displaced from the war
I think this is the plot of Tenet.
Adopt baby Hitler and raise him in a way that would not give rise to the kinds of feelings and ideologies that could lead him down the path of ethno-nationalsim.
That’s when we figure out that this is the path that lead him to flip flop completely hating everything you taught. You went back to stop Hitler only to be the thing that caused his reign of terror. Life would have that kind of irony.
Oh shit my phone doesn’t work back here. I know I’ll send him to art school!
Plot point: hero person goes back in time to kill Hitler, but finds they have to fight off a bunch of other time travelers from different points in the future bc everyone wants the kill for themselves. Hitler still gets away.
Alternative plot point: The hero/es keep traveling back in time because everytime they kill a potential Nazi leader, someone worse ends up taking its place. We are left with the timeline where Hitler eventually takes that spot because it’s considered the “best”/“least destructive” timeline.
yeah that takes the cake haha
In Legends of Tomorrow, there’s a secret bar for time travellers that want to save Franz Ferdinand. You pull a number and wait your turn like at the DMV.
I would watch that.
🎶 Hitler’s mom has got it going on 🎶
Just finished binging the 12 Monkeys TV show, thats just variations on an oops loop. If you seduce Hitlers mom you’ll just end up being the father figure he never met. If you strand him in Nepal then either Hitler or any Austrian who witnesses you doing the timey-wimey dance will just blame an international cabal of time traveling Jews for it.
Hitler’s mother, for those considering it: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/45/Klara_Polz_Hitler.jpg
For the fellas into tomboys
Michael cera?
Woof, good thing this was before prohibition.
I’d take one for the team.
And why just Hitler? If we could time travel I’d assume he’d have plenty going after him
Based on what’s happening in the US it’d have been a good idea to sink the puritan ships
