I open the front door to take a look around. There is another room of the cabin. I look out the window. It’s a painted scene. I remove it. More cabin. I panic. I look up the chimney and see another fireplace. I tear out a floorboard and see through a ceiling. All that there is, is cabin. I take my first level in Wizard. We’re plane shifting up in this bitch. It would be very cozy if I had the option to leave and return at will.
I check my person for belongings, identification, cultural hints, and if I am still “me”.
Sigh in relief as I don’t hear anyone saying “Hey, you! You’re finally awake! You were caught trying to cross the border!”
Look around to see if I can rummage up the necessary implements to brew a pot of tea.
I put on my robe and wizard hat
Not you again!
I cast Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite…
You don the flappy body bindings and the pointy cranium cover you looted from the evil wizard you killed a while back. They’re still as comfortable as the day you wiped the blood off them, and they imbue you with a sense of power and a strange urge to rudely prank people and commit mass slaughter.
Get ye flask
You cannot get ye flask.
Go back to sleep in the cozy cabin atmosphere
Ah, you just woke up from a midday nap. For a moment there you were a little confused about where you were; it must’ve been a really good nap. You curl back up on the bench by the broad window out of frame, where the sun was warming your cozy blankets. Just outside, the trees sway gently in the wind, and a herd of deer munch on the grass. Your eyelids grow heavier, and you settle for going back to sleep. There’s nothing going on today, so why not? You deserve it. Soon enough, you fall back into the world of dreams,
GAME OVER
Nice finally my dream comes true. Eternal sleep
To sleep, perhaps to dream?
You just woke up. Why are you going back to sleep? You have to get up eventually. So what are you going to do then? That’s the question.
>Take key
You grasp at what you thought was a key at first, until you realize there isn’t a key there. Someone drew a key onto the floor with black chalk. In hindsight you realize you should have noticed that sooner, like before you even reached down towards it, especially since it’s not a particularly well drawn key; you could say it’s rather shit, and you can’t believe you fell for it.
I wonder if the poorly drawn key is a clue. I go looking for a real key, or alternatively, additional drawings similar to the poorly drawn key
You search the cabin top to bottom, searching for keys, real or otherwise, and anything that could hint to the mystery only you are aware of. The only other out of place thing you find is the anvil in the corner, mysteriously out of place, atop which is… another shitty drawing of a key. God dammit, who’s making these? You start to feel an insoluble sense of rage at this mysterious key perpetrator, but there’s no finding them unless you can leave the cabin. No one else is in here but you, that much you’re aware of.
Holy shit, I looked again and can’t believe the picture actually has a badly drawn key on the floor. I thought you were just pulling that out of nowhere.
Holy shit new ARG?
“I don’t like this game.”
>Quit
Quit? What do you mean, quit? You’re not sure where the thought came from, or even what game you’re talking about. Confused, you wander outside, whereupon you find a tree stump with a harpoon stuck inside of it.
You revisit your earlier thoughts. Perhaps you do know what you meant by quit. Really, you always knew. After all, you said it yourself; you don’t like this game of life. You’re free of the cabin, yet you feel more trapped than ever. There is only one conclusion; your loneliness is your true prison.
There’s only one thing left to do, isn’t there?
GAME OVER
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - “It’s like the unofficial sequel to Disco Elysium.”
When does this game come to Steam?
Error: Insufficient permissions. This attempt has been logged
After processing the initial shock, I look out the window to get my bearing on where the fuck I am.
Kill Jester
A sudden urge to kill a foolishly dressed alleged comedian fills you to the brim. Unfortunately, there is none in the room with you. You’d have to find him before you can kill him, but you have your objective in mind. The first question is how you’re going to get out of here. The front door is locked, and the only hint of a key is the shitty drawing on the floor. Ha ha. Very funny, whoever put that there. What’s worse is that there’s no weapons here. To kill someone, you’d need something to kill them with. Well, you could do with your bare hands, but it’s much easier with a tool of some sorts, and the cabin is strangely absent of tools suitable for the act of murder.
cry
You feel an inexplicable urge to cry. The tears leak from your eyes before you even realize it. The sobs escape you despite yourself, and within moments you’re on your knees, sobbing and crying into your hands, unable to stop the tears.
Just as suddenly as the urge came, it disappears. The tears dry, and you rise to your feet. Alright, what now?
cab out again
Whether out of fear or perplexity, none can say for sure; the moment you find yourself here, you cab out all over the place. Your body morphs and expands, your bones turn into metal beams and your skin gains a clear coat and yellow paint; moments later, you’re a fully developed cab in the middle of a cabin.
Much of the room is destroyed in your antics; the table is smashed and broken, the windowsill has fallen off the wall, all the pots are shattered into pieces… Even sol, in this form, you feel powerful. You feel fast. One might even say, you are speed. What is this little cabin wall to your steel bumpers and gas engine?
In short, you cabbed out in a cabin and you’re a car now. Let’s hope there’s no dragons nearby.
Did someone say dragons fucking a car? Because I heard dragons fucking a car.
go back to sleep. I am eepy
Smash everything and flip the place like the feds.
You split a wicked grin as you pick up a hammer and go to town. Everything breaks under your unlimited rage and glee; the bookshelf falls apart and the books go flying, the table cracks and splits in two, the pots all shatter, the pumpkin explodes and sheds pumpkin goo everywhere. Nothing is safe from you. Nothing, except the anvil in the corner. No matter how hard you strike it, your hammer does nothing to it but ring out and send painful vibrations up your arm. It’s frustrating, infuriating that something could survive and withstand your rampage. The anvil sits there, unbroken and mocking, until it’s all you can think about.
Ok, but what valuables do I find to steal?
With great effort you rip your mind away from the anvil and focus on less important matters: valuable loot. Your antics left the cabin in ruins, its contents scattered all over the floor. Picking through the aftermath of your disastrous rage, you find some bits and bobs of seeming value; you could probably sell it all for a handful of silver pieces, provided the local market economy is strong. More importantly, you find something much more valuable that made the dastardly destruction much more worthwhile: a single radish. Now this is good loot. Just one of these rotund magenta delicacies could set you up for a few years, provided a decent market economy of course. But this is just one. You have a much greater goal than that. Yes, this one alone is a fantastic haul, but you need more.
Radishes found: 1/15
