Reality is that they’ll both kill you. European badgers are just more classy about it.
“oh dear oh dear i’m so sorry about this, i really am.”
90% of the time Euro badgers do that
10% of the time they scream “Eulalia!” and tear you limb from limb
Is there a Redwall community? I’m tempted to make one but I have no idea how
Not that I know of, go for it (idk how to make one either)
Redwallposting
I just want a seat at the table for one of their feasts.
Or split your skull with a halberd
Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers!
Mushroom mushroom.
Honey badgers will fuck up your shit simply because it was there.
could one say, they don’t give a shit?
Having recently learned that they were bred specifically to hunt badgers, I wonder how a dauchshund would fare against North American badgers 🤔
I have three dachshunds. Two minis, Mary & Maizie, and a full size, Monty.
Mary we often call a little wolverine, because she can be vicious when she plays, making the most horrific noises you’ve ever heard out of any creature, much less someone that looks so absolutely disgustingly cute and adorable.
Her sister, Maizie, is the sweetest, kindest, shyest and nicest creature. Unless she sees a rat. Then it’s terrifying. She makes no sound as she runs at full speed, and snaps it up and shakes at the speed of sound. I don’t think her feet even touch the ground.
Monty is the biggest baby, he just wants to sleep and cuddle, even when he was a puppy. Unless you touch his mama. I am not allowed to hug my own mother, because he stands there and barks and howls and shoves his body between whoever’s touching her and her. Lol.
If anything of them could take a badger it would Maizie, but I don’t think even she could.
Also, this was originally supposed to be much shorter and more on topic, but then I had a chance to describe my dogs, and, y’know, muh babies!
The Finnish name for dachshund is literally badgerdog (mäyräkoira) btw.
Edit: til that’s also the German name. Others?
Well, Dachshund is literally German for badger dog. (Dachs = badger, Hund = dog)
Our dog is the most kind lovable 70 pound Belgian Shepard you’ll ever meet.
On leash if she sees a coyote, bobcat, or mountain lion she turns into a Hollywood snarl machine. That super deep rumble.
One day a cat chased our cat back to the door. I opened it to get him inside but I unwittingly unleashed a silent tan streak. The only reason the other cat survived was it jumped off the porch and went straight up a tree. Our cat came out to gloat and our dog did the tippy taps right there under the tree.
I have the most lovable furry criminal gang.
It depends on how many dachshunds you’re willing to lose.
I remember learning that after my dad told me stories about badgers near the Minnesota farm where he grew up killing dogs significantly larger than dachshunds and thinking “how the fuck does that work??”
It takes a slinky to beat a slinky
Having met dachshunds, and having met American badgers, I’m going to put my bet on “poorly”
A couple hundred years of bred instincts aren’t going to save the walking hotdog from the meth bear
That’s exactly what badgers do in the stories of Beatrix Potter
Cook meth?
…Forbidden Beatrix Potter.
Wait till you hear what they do in Brian Jacques’ Redwall series!
Having just visited the Lakes District, it’s wild how much Beatrix Potter stores there are.
I guess that’s why my American ass grew up with Beatrix Potter. My English grandparents had a caravan in the lake district
Yep! Potter owned a fuck ton of land in that area and donated it to the national trust, which is a big reason why the entire area is the British equivalent of a national park.
American badger is a wolverine? Genuine question.
No, this is a wolverine:
It’s about twice as big as an American badger.
No, this is a wolverine
No, this is a wolverine:
He’s a living raging powerhouse who’s bound to knock you back on your emerald posterior!
I’m wolverine and so is my wife.
Fucking awesome
Ah, a family sized meth weasel.
European badgers would defend their mountain fortress from a weasel warlord
Ugh. Searats again? Didn’t we just send them packing one book ago?
Dammit is this how we got the Lion & Wardrobe and such?
When I was a child, I was told that hunters used to put things like twigs in their boots, so the European badger would let go, when they heard the “leg break”.
Though I doubted it even then.
🍄 🍄
🐍🐍
🦡 🦡 🦡
🍄🍄
Fuck it, there is no substitute.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pzagBTcYsYQ
(if i could i would upload the original flash animation from albino black sheep)
I hate how hard it’s to convey this masterpiece of a meme to younger audience now that Newgrounds doesn’t use the music background anymore and ng isn’t a default go to media place for them. Even Know Your Meme doesn’t mention why this is created.
I missed the NG era as a young lad. Would you please elaborate?
Newgrounds used to have audio visualizer, one of it feature the badger, mushroom, and snake, so someone went and create this song as a joke, and it blows up because some of us will have that visualizer running.
It’s also catchy.
🐍🐍
🐍
Wisconsinite here where the badger is native and the mascot for the University of Wisconsin is the Badger.
This meme is inaccurate.
The American Badger will also remove your kidneys and sell them on the black market as well, to support their meth habit.
I’m in new mexico and saw a badger crossing the road while I was driving to work. It stopped in the middle of the road, turned towards me and waited, like it was deciding whether or not to fuck up the large metal thing coming towards it. Then slowly turned and continued on it’s way when it decided I wasn’t worth it. No fear whatsoever.
I had a huge buck do that to me once. It was like 3am and the thing just casually walked out into the road in front of my truck and looked at me like “…what?”
yeah 3 am riding my little motorcycle through an appalachian holler so slowly because the mist was overwhelming and blinding and suddenly i was surrounded by a couple deer and a giant buck… i was like i don’t know if they can accelerate faster than me but i’ll try. i made it out, but if i hadn’t been so slow, i would have crashed into a deer or crashed from swerving
The badger moniker comes from lead miners that initially settled the Wisconsin territory. They often didn’t even bother building homes at first and just lived in their wildcat lead mines, like a badger.
TIL!
I’ve lived in Wisconsin since 2006 and did not know that.
Thank you!
But the American badger turns out to just want to drink a beer and talk about sports whereas the European badger, after having sat you down for some tea and buttered crumpets, reveals itself to be a racist eugenicist
TBH, “reveals itself by shivving you anyway” is probably closer to the truth with Brittons and their tea.
Don’t ask the le posh civil gentlesir Euro badger their opinion of Romani people.
“It’s not racist because it’s true, they really should be exterminated.”
No dude, you’re thinking of the other kind of British. I’m pretty sure their badgers are related to the homosapiens poulus aggressor, more commonly known as “football hooligans” to the locals.
Racisto? Europians? What an absolutely outrageous accusation. Badgers on
Brother in law had a huge wolf dog. The kind that can put it’s paws on your shoulders and look at you face to face. Massive. He got in a tussel with a badger and got tore up, took two weeks to heal. Then took off and came back with a 40 lbs badger in his mouth. Overall a 40 lbs meth badger = 150 lbs wolf dog.
Dog had a bone to pick with that badger
