If you ban scrolling in public, only criminals will scroll in public. Remember, the only way to stop a bad guy scrolling in public is a good guy scrolling in public.

I read until I got cancer, then I read some more, and now I have super cancer.

I tried it and collapsed in exhaustion after twisting both ankles and breaking a hip.

He’s a good boy

They should have done this with the last Norm MacDonald special that he recorded during the pandemic. Use the same words, but put him in front of an audience.

This isn’t even on my top 100 list of worst-case scenarios.

I wanted to play volleyball in high school, but they just looked at me like I was a nut.

Look outside to see if your neighbors are running.

I really hope there is a geological group that calls themselves by that name.

It seems to be decent from a cursory glance. Were you being sarcastic? No offense, it’s hard to tell sometimes.

Thank God they took down thousands of the millions of sock puppet accounts!