Long story shorts. But this post ain’t short

My sibling and I were closer when we were young but not so much nowadays, due to very different lifestyles. We are 2 years apart and I’m older, Me M, My sibling F, in mid and late 20s.

I would skip the part of “Sibling Rivalry”. But when we went to university about the similar times, my family couldn’t afford both of us going to “Ivy League” university. We ended up in a normal local university.

As I mentioned our lifestyles are very different, mainly because of our personalities are different. My sister is more of an outgoing person, while I am an introvert for as long as I could remember. At the university, she made a lot of friends and I just went to classes on my own.

Fast forward, we both had been graduated some time, and have already worked for couple years as young professionals.

I wouldn’t had written this post had my mental health not dropped to the rock bottom. Although not official diagnosed, I checked all the boxes of having social anxiety nowadays.

Everyday, I find myself going to work and going home. There is absolutely no social lifes for me. I have a hard time relating to people, and talking to random people would give me a panic attack. I have no friends, and no one to talk to except my parents. In contrast, my sister constantly hang out with people and starts a relationship. (maybe just a normal person’s life)

Furthermore, the profession I am working on more or less requires discussions with coworkers and people from other companies. In the past, I could try to get pass that as an junior level. But as I have more “experience” in this profession, I don’t think I can skip that anymore. It’s more like, if I can’t do the job, I will have to move on to some other occupations, may or may not be related to my major in university, and may or may not pay the same.

I know the advice I will get are probably don’t compare with each other. While I totally understand that, but me, my sibling and my parents are living together, still. Every weekends, my sister hangs out with friends while I run errands with my parents. I, being the only one who can drive besides my sister, and the person who has free time, the responsibilities are on my back.

I really wish I am a different person, who has a social life and not so free. Or I don’t have sibling, so I could live in a vacuum and not being forced to see how my life is different from the others. Bonus point, my sister occasionally mentions about her boyfriend, they’d do this and that. It’s like rubbing salt into the wound. I know I shouldn’t think it this way, she’s my sister, even we aren’t close, and I am happy for her to have a healthy relationship, but still being constantly reminded that I am abnormal, it’s cruel.

Over the past weeks months, I have been very stressed about what my future will look like, my social and career parts are pretty much done. I don’t really know what I can do. I wonder if my life would be much happier if I don’t have a sibling, thus this post.

Thank you for reading up to this point, really appreciate it. No matter you are with me or not, a big thank you to you!