I need some impartial third party advice.

I told my mom the other day that she clearly doesn’t love or care about me because of the way she voted. I don’t believe she can both love her trans daughter while simultaneously willingly inflicting as much suffering as possible.

I decided to block her for a few days.

My aunt, who also hated Trump, is someone I could previously confide in. She cold shouldered me after I sent her the text I had previously sent to my mom.

Finally my aunt was an adult and texted me back last night with this.

“Thought would not have any effect. Didn’t like text you sent your mom. U R on my naughty list was not nice, u owe her an apology. Election wasn’t close decisive across country broke blue wall. Like it or not will be our president next 4yrs be an adult accept & move on!! U take too personal & how it impacts you. We all have choices/decisions it’s about Respect can’t expect others to respect yours if you can’t extend the same courtesy to others. No idea what u r talking about lying never questioned or said you were on job search, good luck with that. I’m taking a long break, disappointed have my own health/medical issues to address so focusing on that & me now. Happy Thanksgiving”

Now this is a person who texted me constantly about what a “pig fucker” Trump is, then she went radio silent a week before the election. When I inquired about the post election results she said “the world isn’t ready for a woman president so I didn’t even vote.” I have a strong feeling she actually voted for Trump and couldn’t stomach telling me that to save face.

Anyways- so I did call my mom and try to apologize against my better judgement. She didn’t answer so I left a voicemail. Basically I said I’m sorry I reacted that way, and I’m under a lot of stress.

She hasn’t replied in text or called back continuing to cold shoulder me essentially throwing my apology in my face.

Now I’m furious. My sister cut my mom out for months because my parents wouldn’t send her money for college. The second she called them back they took her in with open arms as if nothing ever happened. They never treat me that way. Brittany is the golden child of my mom and my stepdad (her current husband). The standards are entirely different for my sister and I. I’ve always been treated worse.

Based on this limited view of my family what should I do? I’m thinking about rescinding my apology and just cutting them out forever. To me it seems clear they don’t actually care about me at all.

When I was hospitalized for three days from my bike accident my mom never came to see me. She’s a 9 hour drive away. When I had my highly invasive SRS she never called to check on me when I was recovering in the hospital. She actively hated the fact I was even doing it telling me “I’ll never look right.”

Pretty sure she’s an objectively awful human being.

  • m0darn@lemmy.ca
    4·
    7 hours ago

    I wouldn’t be a cis-het-white-man if I didn’t feel entitled to weigh in: I think you should send a handwritten note that says something like:

    I will always have room in my life for a mother who loves me unconditionally, but a mother like that would not support politicians with transphobic policies. I do have love for you, but the choices you’ve made break my heart, and it’s not healthy for me to have that sort of negativity in my life.

    When I’m lonely, I’ll try to focus on the good times we had together, and not harbor bitterness. I forgive myself for not being the child you imagined. I hope you can do the same.

    Make sure to sign it with “Love”

    You could also list some of the positive memories you’re going to try to focus on. You could ask your sister to help you come up with a list. You don’t need to share the whole letter with her just say that you’re trying to come up with a list of happy memories for when you’re feeling down. Maybe that should be a conversation while you do something else together so you’re not just staring at each other at the kitchen table while trying to think. For me that that something else would be a game of pool, for others it might be cooking or jogging or gardening or walking through an art gallery/museum.

    If anybody has any feedback for me that would help me better understand OPs situation I’d love to hear it.

    • Random123@fedia.io
      36·
      7 hours ago

      Its super self centered to act like the vote they chose had everything to do with their sexual orientation.

      I dont agree with the parents vote but im not gonna assume every negative reason is the same reason as to why they would vote for trump.

      Neither should OP, families need to understand one another and not devolve into a political shitshow. OP and everyone else is at fault for the drama

      • Passerby6497@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        2 hours ago

        “You’re just starting drama over your family members voting for a politician who might try to legislate you out of existence, you just need to better understand them and not be self centered” is one hell of a hot take.

        If I voted for a politician who said he wanted you dead just because of your orientation, I would expect you to hate me no matter the reason, because clearly I don’t give a fuck about you and your life when I can improve my situation when voting for them.

        Maybe look up what ‘self centered’ means, because it’s not OP

      • m0darn@lemmy.ca
        4·
        6 hours ago

        Thanks for the feedback, but I don’t find it very useful. I did not say that the mother voted with the goal of supporting transphobic policies, I said something stronger.

        It is my view that a person cannot love a trans person unconditionally AND support transphobic politicians. Ie it doesn’t matter why the mother supports the politician.

        If you love somebody you will not support politicians that want to unfairly discriminate against them. Even if the politicians have better policies in other areas.

        Families need to understand one another and not devolve into a political shitshow

        What makes you think anyone is misunderstanding their family here?

        OP and everyone else is at fault for the drama

        Obviously the family is dysfunctional, that’s what this post is about. I don’t think it’s particularly useful to try to apportion blame from where we are. Could OP have more effectively lobbied her parents not to support transphobic politicians? Probably, but we don’t know. Is OP trying to emotionally manipulate her mother? Maybe, we don’t know. My comment was advice on how OP can end her relationship firmly, while leaving the door open to reconciliation down the road.