My wife found out Saturday through an ancestry.com DNA test that her dad is not her actual biological father. Her mother had a supposed one time incident with a man she found on Facebook through the names on the ancestry test. Her parents separated when she was 6. She wasn’t close with her dad over the years, but there was nothing ugly about it. Now she has been getting closer with him. She doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not her biological father, as that would hurt the relationship.
I told her she needs to tell him, because honesty is a building block of a relationship and that he’s still her father. If he finds out through the test that he took too (and didn’t put it together that she’s not his), then he will be devastated that she didn’t say anything. My question is, should she tell him or not?
I’ll support her decision either way, but I think honesty is the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing. I understand that her Dad, who raised her, will always be her true father to her.
If he took a test at the same time, and knows she did as well, won’t he be asking about the results?
I think she should tell him, but also stress that to her she is his Dad, and if she isnt intending on tracking down her biological donor she should make that clear also. He was the one there throughout the years, he is the one trying to make an effort now. It sounds like she loves him and is afraid of losing him, give her some time to absorb and process. Maybe she could talk to a therapist to help her sort this out, and for tips on the best language to use etc?
I mean I’m estranged from my father and I would be having big feeling finding out something like this.
He did ask. She matched with her mom’s side, he matched with his side. She matched with people neither of them have ever heard of and he thinks it’s some sort of error. I think it’s so unbelievable to him that it’s not even a possibility in his brain.
Oof, that’s sad. I think she needs to tell the truth and that she is afraid of paying the price and losing her father, no matter the dna, because her mom was stupid enough to not only cheat, but to do it unprotected.
I have a lot of sympathy for all of you, except her mother. I also think he may be afraid, or just in denial but that doesn’t mean he will stay that way. She owes him the truth, even though it was never her lie or responsibility.