John Malkovich’s voice and spectacular cadence in your head:
- “It is estimated that Santa’s sleigh weighs 353 thousand tons. So, traveling at 650 miles per second would create such enormous friction that Santa and his reindeer would burst into flames. You understand? Like a meteor entering the atmosphere. This is a scientific fact.”
It’s a mistranslation. The original text said Santa works in eleven dimensions. Time and space mean nothing to that guy. That got turned into Santa working with elves. It’s understandable as the original eldritch texts drive mere mortals readers insane. Multidimensional documentation is the worst.
I thought we agreed that he was in a quantum state, a superposition of all children’s homes, relying on not being observed as it would collapse the quantum state.
For real. One second you are reading in one page, in the next page you are in the Twilight Zone.