DON’T go to the corner. Sit at the bar (or lean if there’s no stool). You have to be seen to be acknowledged else they’ll think you want to be alone - bar knowledge #2.
Was about to comment this. When I was a young guy, that was my go-to when I was new in town. Make friends with the bartender, letting them know what you’re up to, and if they know of any work. Maybe make some friends, connections. Graduate from bar to board game night. Move out of the shelter into an apartment. A-bing a-bang you got a job, a nascent friend circle, and a place to lay your head at night.
Aragorn was seen though
But not approached - he was the one who approached Frodo.
Also Strider was clearly looking for someone specific, if you just want to meet people and make friends you need to be seen and even more importantly be seen as friendly and safe. Talk to the staff when they aren’t slammed, if they like you other people will be able to tell and be more inclined to talk to you.
Additionally not a single person on Lemmy is in the same ballpark as Aragorn in any way, assuming that what worked for him will work for anyone else is vanity
Good point. I will force my self to be part of the party
I think if you’re going to sit alone in the corner of the bar and drink, you need to be wearing a cloak
And have at least one quest and a small bag of gold coins with you for when the adventurers act like you’re not all here to do adventuring stuff for fun
And a hood that’s obscuring your face.
Yeah relatable. Someone needs to release a bar socialization guide for us to follow.
A lot of my friends worked in the bar and restaurant industry over the years and I’ve spent a shit load of time in bars. I’ve had several bars that were my regular haunts for a few years at a time, and I’ve gone through a few completely different sets of, like, “bar friends” over the last 25 years. (One of the “bars” was more of a bar/coffee shop where I drank way more coffee than booze, mind you, but anyways…)
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don’t sit in the corner. The bar is where it’s at.
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talk to the bartenders a bit. Ask about the local scene. Any events going on? If it’s a sports bar, ask about any PPVs coming up if they do that sort thing. If it’s a music bar, ask if they have any good bands coming up or if there’s open mics or whatever. At a minimum that starts up a conversation for a few minutes and gets the ball rolling. Of course, if the bar is being slammed, don’t just pester the bartender like a jerk, they still have other customers and a job to do, but part of their job is getting folks to come back. Repeat business is generally better business, and if you ask about what’s coming up in the future, you’re showing interest in coming back.
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go a few times over the course of a few weeks. People will probably start to remember you.
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any activities at the bar? They have dart boards? Pool tables? Open mics? I’ve sucked at darts and pool but I still played ‘em, and even played in some dart leagues, and no one really cared that I wasn’t particularly great ‘cause neither were they — it was all just an excuse to get out of the house for a bit.
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the music scene is where I landed in the end. That’s been the last 15 years for me, really. It all just started by showing up, asking about shows, “any good bands coming up? What are the Bluesy Jazzies like? I’ve never seen them before, they worth the cover?”
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don’t limit yourself to bars. Coffee shops, table top game stores, go bowling, whatever. It’s all really just about talking to people, starting with the chitchat, making inquiries, getting involved in some activities. Eventually you’ll be socialized as fuck.
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Find a dive bar and go at the same time/times every week for at least 8 visits. You’ll know it’s a dive bar if it smells like the beer has soaked into the walls and floors and someone offers you a bump of coke in a bathroom that’s too small for two people. You will absolutely make friends but they might not be the best influences on your life. They’ll be really loyal and probably kinda funny though.
Bonus: if you’re gay, the guy offering you a bump will usually also blow you in said too-small bathroom.
What if I’m not gay, will he still blow me?
Of course he will, senator!
bisexual here: it probably increases your chances
See that’s the wrong idea, meeting people in bars can be creepy and dangerous. For everyone alone that want to meet new people go for some classes or groups. In anything that you think interesting. Learn a new language, join a dance class, theater class, matial arts, Hiking group, advocacy, do some charity work, learn some obscure sport like disk golf, go do some larping… whatever floats your boat. Don’t go for things you don’t already like a bit, like if you are an indoor person don’t go for hiking, it can get old quick. This are the nice and cerified ways to meet new people without being awkward
There are lots of people who go to bars who aren’t creeps. I have several friends I can trace back to meeting while out drinking, and others from other activities like some of the ones you described. No need to shame people who socialize at bars
You are right! It wasn’t my intention, I corrected. But I’m a woman so that’s a real thing for us a lot of times
Yeah I get that, best to mitigate safety risks by going with others you already know, but that certainly defeats the purpose of this thread
Where can I find a drinking alcohol, making comments about sports that I stole from the internet, and playing so-so darts, class to sign up for?
Beer making and Beer tasting. There are classes on beer tasting and even beer tasting contests.
But I already know how to taste beer.
not necessarily creeps but definitely true that bars are great if you wanna make friends with elderly alcoholics
This is the way. If you want to make friends it’s so much easier when you start with a shared interest. Made many good friends in martial arts despite not being great at making friends, the ice breakers were all taken care of for me.
Here it is, casually explained: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxwNqLShyE
That’s why you drink alone for 6 hours and hope that someone talks to you.
In a corner alone? People can see you want to be alone and leave you alone there.
I wonder why no one suggested yet to just go to a group that looks cool and say “hey, I’ve come here alone and want to meet people, would you mind if I join you?” and the answer will almost always be a resounding “yes” and you will be adopted.
I really don’t think that would work, it would be very awkward forcing something like that. Unless everybody is absolutely smashed you could maybe have that but it would still be not great
I’m not sure how to argue with this except with “I have done this so many times and never received another answer”. I had no friends.
This was my go to method of meeting people at college parties (which is admittedly a slightly different environment), but it never failed to work. Long as you aren’t giving off “creep” vibes most people are also down to meet new people
Unless you’re an asocial nitwit that spends free time on image boards
No, actually, the answer will still be the “yes”. However, what happens after is by no means guaranteed and I’ll make no comments on.
What, didn’t you know that most people read your mind and all of your memories to evaluate your worth as a person before accepting social interaction?
I can almost see how they come to a group of people and challenge the biggest dude to a challenge of alphas to get al feeeemales, or whatever latest brainrot image board convinced them the human interaction is.
There’s a bar here where, if I have a table outside, I offer to let people looking for a table share it.
“Hey, I’ve come alone and want to meet people, mind if I join you?” Also works a lot better for lonely/other asocial people in the bar, since asking about their day right off the bat can make them feel awkward
It’s October. Just meet some cool people at a pumpkin patch.
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You have to be willing to walk up and introduce yourself, and also willing to deal with the risk of rejection. That fear of rejection piece leads people to make decisions that protect their egos but also leave them lonely or isolated
Simple but not easy…
Really easy after enough practice to overcome that fear of rejection. But yes, someone who feels anxiety about the potential for rejection is probably going to struggle to just jump in and talk to strangers
I’m not afraid of being rejected I just can’t do small talk. It takes me time to figure out how to respond to something which usually causes an awkward silence for others but I’ve gotten used to it. If I do go up to someone and speak chances r that beyond that first sentence that I had already planned out I won’t be able to say anything else beyond “mmm” so how do I solve that?
People live talking about themselves. If you get them talking by asking some genuine questions, they’ll go for it. Iirc this is a good video to explain it briefly: https://youtu.be/vU-ibdHkz4Y?si=AgoPUH873IjpYJ0a
Don’t forget though, you’re there to get to know folks. Not turn them into a science project or run a specific method. It’s okay to stumble over words or say you’ve had trouble making new friends lately (and leave it at that). People like helping innately if you ask or are a little vulnerable
“Do you like toast too!?”
For me I frame it less as a fear of rejection and more of a fear of putting someone in the inconvenient position of having to tell someone to go away.
Tell me to fuck off and get lost to my face, fine. I’m the awkward extra wheel no one asked for in this situation, this is just an expected outcome. Tell me something I don’t know, lmao.
But the thought that someone came to a bar to have a good time, only to be stained because some irritating creep (me) showed up out of the crowd and reached out unsolicited, well, that’s what’s soul crushing to me. The idea that my very presence may actively disrupt their night out makes me feel like an unwelcome prick just for being there.
Of couse, that’s just a toxic fantasy I dreamed up in my own head. But so is just about any arbitrary mental barrier that prevents otherwise rational people from doing reasonable things.
Maybe paint ball instead? Shoot someone in the neck and you’ll get a great story and an easy ice breaker.
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Any advice given is going to completely ignore the underlying causes of this situation.
Just bring your own friends.
barcades are a great option if there’s one nearby. “Hey, want to play?” is so much easier than trying to start a conversation unprompted
Wow, is this a thing? Never heard about it. I would like love to see play some old arcades in a bar
It’s definitely a thing in the US and I imagine a lot of other places. Even smaller cities will usually have at least one. Some aren’t going to have actual arcade cabinets (or not many of them), but will have consoles/emulators set up
I sit upon my barstool throne
I vow to never drink alone
I only drink with friends or total strangers…
Honestly Starbucks is a better bet. Make sure you bring your phone chargers.
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself
